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missmara13Title: A Little Trust
Fandom: The OC
Characters: Ryan Atwood, Sophie Cohen
Prompt: 073 - Bed
Word Count: 1055
Rating: PG-13
Summary: It was soft, warm, and safe. All Ryan could ask for.
Author's Notes: 9th in the Runaway Series, comes after: 'Finality', 'Breakaway', 'A Gnawing Pain', 'Desperate Times', 'Fake ID', 'Next Stop', 'Make A Change' and 'Cold Comfort'.
A Little Trust
When Ryan managed to calm down, Sophie led him upstairs to a room she said had been Sandy's when he was a kid, and let him know that the bathroom was across the hall, but she expected him to sleep before he tried to get cleaned up. Despite some reluctance to hand over his belongings to someone else, when Sophie told him to give her his dirty clothes to wash, he did so, wanting to have something clean to wear for once, and then he was alone in a bedroom filled with Sandy's childhood belongings.
Ryan looked around the room for a moment, then looked back to the bed and walked over to sit down for a moment. He didn't want to get the sheets and comforter dirty, both with the visible dirt and with the taint that no one but him could see, but Sophie had insisted she'd being going to change the bedding the next day anyway, so Ryan's shower could wait until morning, when he was better rested.
So, for now, Ryan found himself in a nice warm house, sitting on the edge of a nice comfortable bed that had a thick comforter and a fluffy pillow, and downstairs was a woman who had sworn to him she wouldn't tell anyone he was there. And, as suspicious as he could be, he believed Sophie when she promised him that she wouldn't call until either he left or he said it was okay. He supposed it was because he needed to trust someone now, since he'd finally admitted to himself that he couldn't deal with his life anymore.
Ryan shook his head and stood again, pulling his sweatshirt off, then shoving off his jeans so he was just in a t-shirt and his boxers. He folded the clothes over the back of the desk chair, then slid under the comforter, pulling it tight around his body as he started to shake, not just from the chill but also from relief. Sophie knew what he had done, and she didn't hate him or make him leave. She had held him while he sobbed against her shoulder, she had smoothed his hair and promised everything would be okay, she had continued to call him her grandson.
~~~~
In the morning, Ryan woke to find another comforter had been put over the first, making sure he was plenty warm, and his dirty clothes were gone from the chair. Replacing them was a pile of folded sheets, pillowcases, and a fresh comforter, and on the desk itself was a note telling him there were clean clothes in the bathroom, so get showered, get dressed, and come downstairs to breakfast. He slowly crossed the hall, a little self-conscious to be in only his t-shirt and boxers, especially considering the new scars that graced his skin, and stepped into the bathroom, looking at but not touching the old and worn, but still in good shape, jeans, sweater, and socks that were folded on the counter, a washed pair of his boxers and a wifebeater on top of them, and the old slippers on the floor.
His shower went on longer than he'd meant it to, scrubbing off weeks worth of dirt and grime and trying to scrub away the invisible taint, but finally he stepped out of the shower and used a towel to dry off. He quickly dressed and returned to the bedroom, stripping the bed and putting the fresh linen on. He heard a footfall behind him and spun around, eyes wide, only to relax immediately when he saw it was just Sophie. "Morning," he said.
"Now there's the boy I remember from Newport and Miami," Sophie teased as she stepped further into the room and gave Ryan a hug. "How you feeling?"
"Better," Ryan said. "I think."
Sophie gave him a sad smile, then inspected his bed making skills. "You know, I could never get Sandy to make his bed," she said conversationally, as though Ryan had just flown in for a visit instead of shown up at her door late the previous night, after being missing for a year and a half. "Probably the real reason they need a housekeeper is him and Seth. The two of them..."
Ryan smiled slightly as she smoothed the comforter and fluffed the pillows. "Thanks, Mrs. Cohen, for letting me stay last night..."
"First off," Sophie said. "You either call me Sophie, or you call me by my preference of 'Nana'."
Ryan hesitated, then nodded, deciding he wanted this connection. "Okay... Nana."
Sophie smiled and patted his cheek. "Second, you are welcome here as long as you want. And I won't tell them you're here if you don't want me to. But, I am gonna tell them I heard from you."
"Will you tell them I'm okay?" Ryan asked.
"I'll tell them I think you're gonna be okay, and that maybe you'll call them soon," Sophie said. "And that if you do, they shouldn't push or they might lose you all over again."
"I just can't deal with it," Ryan said, sinking down to sit on the bed. "I... I didn't even remember that you lived in New York until yesterday. I was... I was broke, and I... I was desperate not to spend another night feeling cold..."
"I'm glad you remembered..." Sophie said, sitting down and resting a hand on his back.
"I didn't," Ryan admitted. "I... I know you figured out what I did, for money... I was gonna do it again, but there were these boys, younger than me, and all I could think is... I do have people who I could call and get help from... so I got into a phone booth, to think out of the cold, and I was flipping through the phonebook, and then... I saw your name. And... And I decided I wanted... I don't know..."
"Well, I'm glad you came," Sophie repeated. "I've been worried, too, you know." She patted his knee. "Come on, I made breakfast and you look like you need a couple hundred good meals in you."
Ryan smiled and stood with her, smoothing down a last wrinkle in the comforter before following Sophie back downstairs. For now, at least, he had somewhere to stay, somewhere to live, somewhere safe and warm. And that was all he could ask for.
THE END
Fandom: The OC
Characters: Ryan Atwood, Sophie Cohen
Prompt: 073 - Bed
Word Count: 1055
Rating: PG-13
Summary: It was soft, warm, and safe. All Ryan could ask for.
Author's Notes: 9th in the Runaway Series, comes after: 'Finality', 'Breakaway', 'A Gnawing Pain', 'Desperate Times', 'Fake ID', 'Next Stop', 'Make A Change' and 'Cold Comfort'.
A Little Trust
When Ryan managed to calm down, Sophie led him upstairs to a room she said had been Sandy's when he was a kid, and let him know that the bathroom was across the hall, but she expected him to sleep before he tried to get cleaned up. Despite some reluctance to hand over his belongings to someone else, when Sophie told him to give her his dirty clothes to wash, he did so, wanting to have something clean to wear for once, and then he was alone in a bedroom filled with Sandy's childhood belongings.
Ryan looked around the room for a moment, then looked back to the bed and walked over to sit down for a moment. He didn't want to get the sheets and comforter dirty, both with the visible dirt and with the taint that no one but him could see, but Sophie had insisted she'd being going to change the bedding the next day anyway, so Ryan's shower could wait until morning, when he was better rested.
So, for now, Ryan found himself in a nice warm house, sitting on the edge of a nice comfortable bed that had a thick comforter and a fluffy pillow, and downstairs was a woman who had sworn to him she wouldn't tell anyone he was there. And, as suspicious as he could be, he believed Sophie when she promised him that she wouldn't call until either he left or he said it was okay. He supposed it was because he needed to trust someone now, since he'd finally admitted to himself that he couldn't deal with his life anymore.
Ryan shook his head and stood again, pulling his sweatshirt off, then shoving off his jeans so he was just in a t-shirt and his boxers. He folded the clothes over the back of the desk chair, then slid under the comforter, pulling it tight around his body as he started to shake, not just from the chill but also from relief. Sophie knew what he had done, and she didn't hate him or make him leave. She had held him while he sobbed against her shoulder, she had smoothed his hair and promised everything would be okay, she had continued to call him her grandson.
~~~~
In the morning, Ryan woke to find another comforter had been put over the first, making sure he was plenty warm, and his dirty clothes were gone from the chair. Replacing them was a pile of folded sheets, pillowcases, and a fresh comforter, and on the desk itself was a note telling him there were clean clothes in the bathroom, so get showered, get dressed, and come downstairs to breakfast. He slowly crossed the hall, a little self-conscious to be in only his t-shirt and boxers, especially considering the new scars that graced his skin, and stepped into the bathroom, looking at but not touching the old and worn, but still in good shape, jeans, sweater, and socks that were folded on the counter, a washed pair of his boxers and a wifebeater on top of them, and the old slippers on the floor.
His shower went on longer than he'd meant it to, scrubbing off weeks worth of dirt and grime and trying to scrub away the invisible taint, but finally he stepped out of the shower and used a towel to dry off. He quickly dressed and returned to the bedroom, stripping the bed and putting the fresh linen on. He heard a footfall behind him and spun around, eyes wide, only to relax immediately when he saw it was just Sophie. "Morning," he said.
"Now there's the boy I remember from Newport and Miami," Sophie teased as she stepped further into the room and gave Ryan a hug. "How you feeling?"
"Better," Ryan said. "I think."
Sophie gave him a sad smile, then inspected his bed making skills. "You know, I could never get Sandy to make his bed," she said conversationally, as though Ryan had just flown in for a visit instead of shown up at her door late the previous night, after being missing for a year and a half. "Probably the real reason they need a housekeeper is him and Seth. The two of them..."
Ryan smiled slightly as she smoothed the comforter and fluffed the pillows. "Thanks, Mrs. Cohen, for letting me stay last night..."
"First off," Sophie said. "You either call me Sophie, or you call me by my preference of 'Nana'."
Ryan hesitated, then nodded, deciding he wanted this connection. "Okay... Nana."
Sophie smiled and patted his cheek. "Second, you are welcome here as long as you want. And I won't tell them you're here if you don't want me to. But, I am gonna tell them I heard from you."
"Will you tell them I'm okay?" Ryan asked.
"I'll tell them I think you're gonna be okay, and that maybe you'll call them soon," Sophie said. "And that if you do, they shouldn't push or they might lose you all over again."
"I just can't deal with it," Ryan said, sinking down to sit on the bed. "I... I didn't even remember that you lived in New York until yesterday. I was... I was broke, and I... I was desperate not to spend another night feeling cold..."
"I'm glad you remembered..." Sophie said, sitting down and resting a hand on his back.
"I didn't," Ryan admitted. "I... I know you figured out what I did, for money... I was gonna do it again, but there were these boys, younger than me, and all I could think is... I do have people who I could call and get help from... so I got into a phone booth, to think out of the cold, and I was flipping through the phonebook, and then... I saw your name. And... And I decided I wanted... I don't know..."
"Well, I'm glad you came," Sophie repeated. "I've been worried, too, you know." She patted his knee. "Come on, I made breakfast and you look like you need a couple hundred good meals in you."
Ryan smiled and stood with her, smoothing down a last wrinkle in the comforter before following Sophie back downstairs. For now, at least, he had somewhere to stay, somewhere to live, somewhere safe and warm. And that was all he could ask for.
THE END
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no subject
Date: 2006-11-15 07:22 am (UTC)You've brought so many aspects of Sophie's uniquely strong and sensitive personality to life here and you have her incorporating both her personal and professional experience with Ryan- something TPTB never managed, but I digress. She makes it clear that she accepts him, loves him unconditionally- which is still a foreign concept to him- and she's also the one person who is qualified to know how to help him as well.
It's so important that she makes the right choice (Sophie's Choice- hee!) here when Ryan is at his most vulnerable, but also both desperate and courageous enough to make difficult choices of his own. He chose to seek her out and he chose to trust her not merely to keep his whereabouts between them, but he chose to share his deepest secret and reveal the shame, guilt and self-loathing that has been eating him alive. What started as worthlessness has reached new depths. If he thought he needed to spare the Cohens before and give them back their lives, now he believes he's beyond redemption. Now Sophie knows what propelled him to leave, to keep the vicious cycle going and what has led to it spiralling out of control.
To her credit, she respects him and his wishes. She knows that what is most important is giving Ryan a haven for however long he'll accept it. He needs a respite at this point to simply stay alive and functional before he can even begin to process the emotional trauma. She wants him to feel safe and she wants him healthy and she wants him to continue to trust her. Through her actions and words, she is sending him the undeniable message that he has value and that she values his trust- something which isn't easily given. She recognizes what that cost him and how precious it is and thankfully, she hasn't betrayed it or him.
You make a point of stressing how Ryan can't reach the part of himself that feels the most dirty- the part no one can see, but that he can't ignore. I've always felt that Ryan believed he was tainted and that he only infected others with his presence. How could he not believe that there was something instrinsically wrong with him? His own family hurt, betrayed, rejected and abandoned him. Even Trey wasn't discarded by Dawn like he was and Ryan was the one who tried so desperately, tirelessly and determinedly to hold their lives together. Nothing he did was ever enough. He was never enough. No matter what he did, people paid the price and he was the common denominator.
Thanks again for another poignant, engaging glimpse into the very carefully constructed relationship between Ryan and the Nana. This dynamic offers so many insights and while we finally get to see Ryan relaxing ever so slightly and lowering some of his defenses, we also get to see the Nana have the opportunity that she's obviously been missing too. There's nothing like being needed and being loved and she's got both.
no subject
Date: 2006-11-15 08:08 am (UTC)That unconditional love thing is just a concept poor Ryan has never been exposed to... Dawn's love depended on him nto doing anything to make her miss getting another drink... Sandy and Kirsten put out the vibe of him needing to stay out of trouble for them to love him... Seth's meant always being there for him without asking for Seth to be there for him... Marissa was the same but even worse (at least Seth tried on rare occasions)... Everyone wanted something from him in exchange for them loving him...
lmao... bad joke there... lol... I know everyone wants me to send Ryan back to Newport and the Cohens NOW, but I just think it's far better for him to stay away from them longer. He's got a support system now, and Sophie has made it clear that she will not betray his trust, even if she does think he should call home. As long as he's under her roof, she can make sure he's eating enough, and he's warm enough, and he's not getting hurt by others or by himself.
And YES! lol... Ryan is as important for The Nana's well being as she is for his... She's gotta be somewhat lonely in an empty house, especially one where she had raised her family, and having Ryan there fills that void... I firmly believe that every person Ryan loves, he loves with all his heart and unconditionally (Ironic since all the love he gets seems to be conditional...) and The Nana is no different.
no subject
Date: 2006-11-15 07:34 pm (UTC)You and I are definitely of one mind when it comes to the unconditional love. Ryan certainly never had that experience with Dawn of the Living Dead, the MIA dad or betraying (and would-be jealous, manipulating murderer)Treywreck. The Cohens may profess many things now, but the fact is that their relationship started with many voiced and unspoken conditions, the most adamant being no fighting and no trouble. The very clear implication is that he was on borrowed time for tolerance, never mind being liked, valued or loved without fail. It only took Kirsten to remind him at the intervention if he had any doubt. Sandy's done some slick work in the last year too with the shoving the emotional issues under the rug and ordering Ryan to focus on college. The message is that he's on some sort of contingent scholarship. If he fails to make the grade and fulfill expectations, ... And Seth, you got that relationship right. It's a special bond, but far from equal. Seth found the perfect ready-made friend in Ryan due to Ryan's unique make up, his issues and how all of that would be heightened considering the circumstances. Sadly, for Ryan, love always has a price and he's the one paying. "M?" won't go there!
I'm glad you're exploring more of the Ryan/Sophie dynamic since were have been so shortchanged in canon. I'm so intrigued by both of these characters individually, so together there are some real enticing, pithy possibilities. She needs someone to devote herself and her time to after her own illness and he's both family and someone who incorporates all that she's experienced in her professional life. She might never admit how lonely she is, but I'm guessing that Ryan fills a very empty place in her home and in her heart. Being able to use her skills as a social worker to help someone she truly cares about would be the culmination of all her years in the field. Being able to be a mother, grandmother and friend would allow her to share the parts of herself that haven't been engaged as she would have liked.
As we agree, it's almost as if they were brought together at just the right time. I can't wait for more!
And I'm off to read the other two updates ASAP. We'll see how that goes. Poor flashback!Ryan and attacked by everyone!Ryan...