Rant time... I gotta vent...
Aug. 29th, 2004 01:07 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
missmara13I'm talking to a friend and on the verge of tears because I can't make her understand.
I love writing. My dream is to be a professional writer. And I see no point of writing if no one ever sees it so I show my stories to my friends. Most of them are good about it, jsut general comments about wanting more of the fic. Not this friend. I have a story that I lvoed the premise of: Liz never came to PC, but met and married Ric in Denver. Now Lucky and Liz meet in NYC and begin an affair. I was loving it. Then this friend fell in love with a side couple. And now every night she demands a snippet of them. I loved the side couple at first. Not I just want them both to die so I don't HAVE to write them.
She's threatened not to read this other story of mine if I don't keep writing HER couple. Damn it, they are characters in a fic of MINE. They aren't HERS in any way shape or form. It's dman blackmail. I adored the story, now I have no desire to write it at all.
When I'm pushed to write something, I feel pressured to make sure it's good. And when people demand more everyday I can't keep up and my writing suffers. My writing suffers and my self esteem suffers.
I owe fics to Bri and Becca in exchange for originally offering me tp.net, but they haven't demanded them (I promise though, I'm gonna write more 'With You' soon). I owe MANY back episode of SeaQuest:Horizons to the fans of it. But they aren't harassing me about it.
At the moment, I jsut want to cry and throw things and put up my keyboard and just never write again, which i hate. I wanted to write some of this latest original idea of mine. One that for ocne I'm determiend will remain mine. No one else will tell me what i HAVE to do with it. Suggestiosn i don't mind, but demands I';ll ignore. That's part of why HF and MOT are on hiatus now. HF because of demands (From thsi same friend) about what should happen (Aaron and Jenny have to get together! Drew can't be a bad guy!), and MOT because it's linked to HF.
I'm miserable. I'm stressed. And I feel worthless because I'm tryign to please people and I can't seem to be good enough ro write fast enough. I know makign myself happy with my writing is most important, but I LIKE getting feedback from others about it. I LIKE it when people enjoy my work. I jsut hate it when they expect me to write MY stories the way THEY want. If they want somethign different, they can write it. Do a damn spin-off form mys tory if I want, I don't give a damn. Just stop telling me how I should write MY stories.
The worst part is this friend is basically my best friend and I think I've pissed her off by trying to explain this to her.
I just feel like crap and like a total bitch for standing up for myself. And that's not right.
Later.
I love writing. My dream is to be a professional writer. And I see no point of writing if no one ever sees it so I show my stories to my friends. Most of them are good about it, jsut general comments about wanting more of the fic. Not this friend. I have a story that I lvoed the premise of: Liz never came to PC, but met and married Ric in Denver. Now Lucky and Liz meet in NYC and begin an affair. I was loving it. Then this friend fell in love with a side couple. And now every night she demands a snippet of them. I loved the side couple at first. Not I just want them both to die so I don't HAVE to write them.
She's threatened not to read this other story of mine if I don't keep writing HER couple. Damn it, they are characters in a fic of MINE. They aren't HERS in any way shape or form. It's dman blackmail. I adored the story, now I have no desire to write it at all.
When I'm pushed to write something, I feel pressured to make sure it's good. And when people demand more everyday I can't keep up and my writing suffers. My writing suffers and my self esteem suffers.
I owe fics to Bri and Becca in exchange for originally offering me tp.net, but they haven't demanded them (I promise though, I'm gonna write more 'With You' soon). I owe MANY back episode of SeaQuest:Horizons to the fans of it. But they aren't harassing me about it.
At the moment, I jsut want to cry and throw things and put up my keyboard and just never write again, which i hate. I wanted to write some of this latest original idea of mine. One that for ocne I'm determiend will remain mine. No one else will tell me what i HAVE to do with it. Suggestiosn i don't mind, but demands I';ll ignore. That's part of why HF and MOT are on hiatus now. HF because of demands (From thsi same friend) about what should happen (Aaron and Jenny have to get together! Drew can't be a bad guy!), and MOT because it's linked to HF.
I'm miserable. I'm stressed. And I feel worthless because I'm tryign to please people and I can't seem to be good enough ro write fast enough. I know makign myself happy with my writing is most important, but I LIKE getting feedback from others about it. I LIKE it when people enjoy my work. I jsut hate it when they expect me to write MY stories the way THEY want. If they want somethign different, they can write it. Do a damn spin-off form mys tory if I want, I don't give a damn. Just stop telling me how I should write MY stories.
The worst part is this friend is basically my best friend and I think I've pissed her off by trying to explain this to her.
I just feel like crap and like a total bitch for standing up for myself. And that's not right.
Later.
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no subject
Date: 2004-08-29 02:41 pm (UTC)I love your stories. I haven't read any in a while - I don't know if thats because you haven't written GH lately or because we haven't talked lately (MSN doesn't work well for me a lot and then when I get on I don't see you on heh). I know I sometimes bug you for Nik & Sam in fics (and throw random ideas etc out) and if that bothers you (like the above stuff) I apologize. I just love how well you can get them paired and stuff. You're a hell of a writer, I mean it. I haven't liked S&C on the show in ages, and you are the only fic writer who can make me like them. That in itself is an accomplishment heh. ;)
Don't stop writing because of the incident. You'd be letting an incredible talent go and I think you would end up feeling even worse. You're like me, I think, in that writing is both an escape but also a love and something that you can't really go without and be happy about doing.
Send me any GH (& LV/OTH/Roswell - any show I watch (you can tell me what you write and I'll tell you if I watch it lol)) and original fic (well minus anything too scifi -- I'm just not into that to a big extent) to justbreathe@gmail.com :) I miss reading Mara fic and I promise feedback on each ;)
LOVE YOU. -hugs-
no subject
Date: 2004-08-29 03:21 pm (UTC)I've been writing GH a little less lately, but I'm gonna try and write a chapter of 'With You' within the week, since I was rereading it earlier and feel drawn to work on it again... lol
And I don't have a problem with you asking for Nik/Sam in fics, or throwing out ideas, that's fine. Especially since it's not a daily event of "Nik/Sam?" "Have you written mroe nik/Sam yet?" "When will there be more Nik/Sam?" My problem was being told specific things that I HAVE to do in a fic or original idea. And there will be more Nik/Sam in coming chapters of TTTB, maybe not in the next chapter, but soon. Plus I may pull a Tragedy in 'With You' and have Em die then Nik meet Sam and expect a fling to lessen the pain only to fall in love... :)
no subject
Date: 2004-08-29 04:46 pm (UTC)And as for the WY mention -- woohoo. send if you do! :D
I try not to be too annoying when it comes to others' stories and me bugging about it because I know it can be bothersome. So I'm glad I've succeeded in not being bad about it ;) I do love your Nik/Sam.... heck I think I love most of your GH fic couples though so! ;) And don't worry I won't ever tell you what you HAVE to do with a fic/idea - though I may voice my dislike with some of the stuff heh (like... S&C again!? ;) or something tehe but I don't expect you to change it or bend to my will :D
no subject
Date: 2004-08-29 05:01 pm (UTC)I'm gonna try to be on MSN more, I've been using another screenname lately, the one my sisters know me as, so I could chat with them, but I'll try to be on my main one more often. Especially since I desprately need a bit of help... lol can't seem to get a join form for my Fanlisting to work right and send info to my e-mail for me to add, no matter how many tutorials I try... the rest of the FL is done, the join form is just being sucky... that's why the FL isn't up yet... lol
no subject
Date: 2004-08-29 05:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-08-29 05:19 pm (UTC)