Never Coming Home (Hallelujah #5)
Apr. 10th, 2008 03:11 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
missmara13Title: Never Coming Home
Author: Mara
Fandoms: The OC/OTH
Rating: R
Warnings: Mentions of suicide and drug use. M-bashing.
Summary: One more thing that you should know, I'm not ever coming home
Notes: 5th in the Hallelujah!Verse. Not gonna say when it takes palce because that would spoil the surprise of it. Named for the song 'Never Coming Home' by Crossfade. I actually made a graphic for this one, but it won't be shown until I post the soundtrack for this fic... that means, Once I have between 10 and 15 of these posted, I'll post the soundtrack of all the inspiring songs along with graphics for each one...
Never Coming Home
Ryan opened the door to their apartment and dropped his keys on the table. "I'm home! What's the big emergency?" he called out, only to be met with silence. Her car had been parked out front, and her purse was on the kitchen table. He felt a chill run down his spine. "No..." he whispered before making a dash for their bedroom and finding her, sprawled across the bed with her wrists sliced open. "Oh god, Marissa," Ryan said, running to her and trying to wrap his hands around the cuts and hold them closed. "Marissa? Wake up!" he yelled.
Marissa's eyes fluttered open and she smiled. "I knew you'd come... you always come..."
Ryan swallowed down the bile in his throat and grabbed for the phone, his blood slicked fingers slipping on the buttons. "I need an ambulance... my wife just... she tried to kill herself..."
~~~
Ryan sat in a chair in the waiting room, his head down and his gaze fixed on the floor, but the sound of the elevator dinging caught his attention and he looked up to see Julie and Kaitlin rushing towards him. "She's in surgery," he said as he stood. "They said I found her just in time, considering the amount of damage she did to herself."
"What happened?" Kaitlin asked.
"She called me during my meeting, said she needed me to come home, and when I got there... she's slit her wrists. They think she took something to stop the clotting..."
"Cal caught her in his suite the other night, at the party," Julie said. "He told me that she said she just wanted a little quiet, but he thought she was looking for drugs. I defended her..."
"It's not your fault," Ryan said, shaking his head and running his hands through his hair, then shuddering as he felt the dried blood that was left from when he did the same thing earlier. "I should have..."
"It's not yours either," Kaitlin said, moving to take her brother-in-law's hand and squeezing it. "Marissa's always been screwed up."
"Why would she do this?" Julie said. "She seemed so happy..."
"I threw out her stash last night," Ryan said. "Told her if she didn't get clean, I was leaving her. But I didn't want this, Julie... I just wanted her to stop using... she needed to stop using..."
"We'll put her in rehab..." Julie began. "And when she gets out, you two can..."
"There isn't going to be an 'us two'," Ryan said. "I can't keep doing this, Julie. It's... it's killing me... she's killing me..."
"Ryan..." Julie began.
"She was pregnant, Julie. 3 months pregnant. And she was still using. And the blood loss caused a miscarriage. I kept begging her to quit, and she wouldn't, and... between it and this... she killed the baby."
"She needs you," Julie pleaded.
"She's killing me," Ryan repeated. "I just... I can't."
"You really think you can hold to that?" Kaitlin asked gently. "Because you always go back to her..."
"I'll make myself hold to it."
~~~
"You're really leaving?" Seth asked in shock as he found Ryan packing his bags. "But Marissa..."
"Doesn't want me as much as she wants someone to 'save' her," Ryan said. "And I can't do that anymore."
"She loves you, man..."
"So you think I should stay?" Ryan asked.
"Of course, you're her husband, and..."
"Alright, so I stay, what do you think's gonna happen?" Ryan asked, leaning against the wall and crossing his arms over his chest. "You think she's gonna stop using? Stop drinking? Stop trying to kill herself?"
"She was just trying to get your attention!" Seth protested.
"Everytime she does this, she kills me a little bit more, Seth," Ryan said. "And she's not planning on stopping because she gets so much attention when she does. Except I took a job I hate because she didn't want me working in the same company as her mom. I gave up being friends with Lindsay because it made Marissa feel insecure. I gave up jogging because I 'smell' afterwards and she didn't like it. What the hell has she given up?"
"Screwing other people?" Seth offered, trying to make a joke out of it.
Ryan snorted. "No, she hasn't," he said. "She's been sleeping around. The kid she miscarried the other night might not even have been mine."
"What? Are you..."
"I've caught her more than once," Ryan said. "She's called me by someone else's name more than once. So I know, Seth, trust me, I know."
"Why didn't you ever say anything?"
"Why do you think?" Ryan said. "She's always been like this Seth, always had her ways of showing me that I just wasn't enough for her. And everytime, everyone supports her and villianizes me for wanting to have a normal life. Hell, you came in her defending her!"
"She needs you," Seth repeated.
"She needs rehab, maybe a psychiatric hospital," Ryan countered. "I'm leaving, Seth."
"Where are you going?"
"I already talked to your grandmother, she said I could stay with her for a while until I found a place and a job in New York."
"The other side of the country?" Seth asked.
"It's still not far enough," Ryan said with a sigh. "But it'll have to do."
The End
I'm posting from the union, waiting to get a ride home with my mom because... well... it's 30 degrees with a windchill of 14, and the visibility keeps dropping to like MAYBE two blocks, then going back to good again... it's been snowing since last night, already probably about 6 inches or so... god only knows what tomorrow will be like... lol
Author: Mara
Fandoms: The OC/OTH
Rating: R
Warnings: Mentions of suicide and drug use. M-bashing.
Summary: One more thing that you should know, I'm not ever coming home
Notes: 5th in the Hallelujah!Verse. Not gonna say when it takes palce because that would spoil the surprise of it. Named for the song 'Never Coming Home' by Crossfade. I actually made a graphic for this one, but it won't be shown until I post the soundtrack for this fic... that means, Once I have between 10 and 15 of these posted, I'll post the soundtrack of all the inspiring songs along with graphics for each one...
Never Coming Home
Ryan opened the door to their apartment and dropped his keys on the table. "I'm home! What's the big emergency?" he called out, only to be met with silence. Her car had been parked out front, and her purse was on the kitchen table. He felt a chill run down his spine. "No..." he whispered before making a dash for their bedroom and finding her, sprawled across the bed with her wrists sliced open. "Oh god, Marissa," Ryan said, running to her and trying to wrap his hands around the cuts and hold them closed. "Marissa? Wake up!" he yelled.
Marissa's eyes fluttered open and she smiled. "I knew you'd come... you always come..."
Ryan swallowed down the bile in his throat and grabbed for the phone, his blood slicked fingers slipping on the buttons. "I need an ambulance... my wife just... she tried to kill herself..."
~~~
Ryan sat in a chair in the waiting room, his head down and his gaze fixed on the floor, but the sound of the elevator dinging caught his attention and he looked up to see Julie and Kaitlin rushing towards him. "She's in surgery," he said as he stood. "They said I found her just in time, considering the amount of damage she did to herself."
"What happened?" Kaitlin asked.
"She called me during my meeting, said she needed me to come home, and when I got there... she's slit her wrists. They think she took something to stop the clotting..."
"Cal caught her in his suite the other night, at the party," Julie said. "He told me that she said she just wanted a little quiet, but he thought she was looking for drugs. I defended her..."
"It's not your fault," Ryan said, shaking his head and running his hands through his hair, then shuddering as he felt the dried blood that was left from when he did the same thing earlier. "I should have..."
"It's not yours either," Kaitlin said, moving to take her brother-in-law's hand and squeezing it. "Marissa's always been screwed up."
"Why would she do this?" Julie said. "She seemed so happy..."
"I threw out her stash last night," Ryan said. "Told her if she didn't get clean, I was leaving her. But I didn't want this, Julie... I just wanted her to stop using... she needed to stop using..."
"We'll put her in rehab..." Julie began. "And when she gets out, you two can..."
"There isn't going to be an 'us two'," Ryan said. "I can't keep doing this, Julie. It's... it's killing me... she's killing me..."
"Ryan..." Julie began.
"She was pregnant, Julie. 3 months pregnant. And she was still using. And the blood loss caused a miscarriage. I kept begging her to quit, and she wouldn't, and... between it and this... she killed the baby."
"She needs you," Julie pleaded.
"She's killing me," Ryan repeated. "I just... I can't."
"You really think you can hold to that?" Kaitlin asked gently. "Because you always go back to her..."
"I'll make myself hold to it."
~~~
"You're really leaving?" Seth asked in shock as he found Ryan packing his bags. "But Marissa..."
"Doesn't want me as much as she wants someone to 'save' her," Ryan said. "And I can't do that anymore."
"She loves you, man..."
"So you think I should stay?" Ryan asked.
"Of course, you're her husband, and..."
"Alright, so I stay, what do you think's gonna happen?" Ryan asked, leaning against the wall and crossing his arms over his chest. "You think she's gonna stop using? Stop drinking? Stop trying to kill herself?"
"She was just trying to get your attention!" Seth protested.
"Everytime she does this, she kills me a little bit more, Seth," Ryan said. "And she's not planning on stopping because she gets so much attention when she does. Except I took a job I hate because she didn't want me working in the same company as her mom. I gave up being friends with Lindsay because it made Marissa feel insecure. I gave up jogging because I 'smell' afterwards and she didn't like it. What the hell has she given up?"
"Screwing other people?" Seth offered, trying to make a joke out of it.
Ryan snorted. "No, she hasn't," he said. "She's been sleeping around. The kid she miscarried the other night might not even have been mine."
"What? Are you..."
"I've caught her more than once," Ryan said. "She's called me by someone else's name more than once. So I know, Seth, trust me, I know."
"Why didn't you ever say anything?"
"Why do you think?" Ryan said. "She's always been like this Seth, always had her ways of showing me that I just wasn't enough for her. And everytime, everyone supports her and villianizes me for wanting to have a normal life. Hell, you came in her defending her!"
"She needs you," Seth repeated.
"She needs rehab, maybe a psychiatric hospital," Ryan countered. "I'm leaving, Seth."
"Where are you going?"
"I already talked to your grandmother, she said I could stay with her for a while until I found a place and a job in New York."
"The other side of the country?" Seth asked.
"It's still not far enough," Ryan said with a sigh. "But it'll have to do."
The End
I'm posting from the union, waiting to get a ride home with my mom because... well... it's 30 degrees with a windchill of 14, and the visibility keeps dropping to like MAYBE two blocks, then going back to good again... it's been snowing since last night, already probably about 6 inches or so... god only knows what tomorrow will be like... lol
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2008-04-10 09:26 pm (UTC)he is not a fucking doormat and deserves way better than M.
no subject
Date: 2008-04-10 10:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-04-10 10:43 pm (UTC)Marissa has really done a number on him but I'm glad that he's finally decided to distance himself from her and her problems.
no subject
Date: 2008-04-11 05:27 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-04-11 10:19 am (UTC)It's great to know that at least, he has the Nana to help him a little. What about Sandy+Kirsten?