Heavily Broken (Chapter Fifty Five)
Aug. 19th, 2007 10:51 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
missmara13Title: Heavily Broken (Chapter Fifty Five)
Author: Mara
Rating: R
Warnings: Sex, mentions of rape, violence. Language.
Summary: Ryan didn't call Sandy after Dawn kicked him out, but he still finds his way to the Cohen family.
Notes: Ummm... yeah, last real update to this one was back on July 11... lol... People may not like this chapter... but the story is about Ryan, about how he evolves and changes with each no experience in life, both the good ones and the bad... and sometimes people pass in and out of your life during the life changing experiences, but it doesn't mean they're gone for good. Just 'for now'.
Heavily Broken (Chapter Fifty Five)
Many thanks to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
chrissydechagny for the most excellent banner!
It was getting late before Ryan finally said goodbye to his old friends and came back over to where the Cohens were sitting. "I uh... I'm ready to go," he said.
"You sure, kid? We can stay longer if you..." Sandy began.
"It's getting late, I've still got a couple more days of school before it lets out for the summer," Ryan replied, grabbing his suit jacket. "Plus it may not be a good idea to leave Seth to his own devices for too long," he added after a moment.
"I'm so glad you came, Ryan," Eva said, giving him a hug. "Take care and keep in touch, alright?"
"Of course, Eva," Ryan replied, kissing her cheek. "Thanks for... for always letting me be part of your family," he added.
"You always will be," Eva said. "Be good and take care of yourself. Let them take care of you."
"I will," Ryan promised, nodding. He turned to everyone else. "See you around, 'Turo!" he called with a little wave before he and the Cohens head around the side of the house.
"How you doing, kid?" Sandy asked, a hand on Ryan's shoulder.
"Been better, been worse," Ryan replied, shrugging. "I'll be okay."
~~~
"There's a message from Dr. Anderson on the machine," Seth said as they walked into the house.
"When did she call?" Sandy asked as he walked over to hit the play button.
"I don't know, it was there when I got home," Seth said, shrugging.
"Mr. and Mrs. Cohen, I need to see Ryan as soon as possible," the message began. "Please call and make an appointment, or even just come in as soon as possible."
Ryan paled and sat down on one of the stools, his legs almost giving out. "There's only one reason for it to be that important," he said softly.
"You don't know that," Sandy said.
"I don't get it..." Seth began.
"There was something in my blood test," Ryan said. "There's..."
"You don't know that," Sandy repeated, moving to stand in front of Ryan. "Listen to me, you don't know that. It could be something else. Maybe..."
"Maybe what, Sandy?" Ryan asked. "Maybe when I go in she's not gonna tell me that I have HIV? The only reason to call and ask me to come in as soon as possible is that something is wrong, that I'm sick! And I don't want to hear any bullshit lies to make me feel better!" he added before heading out to the poolhouse, slamming the door behind him.
The second he got inside the poolhouse, he closed and locked the door, then moved where they couldn't see him from inside and let out a strangled sob as he slammed a fist against the wall. He was 16. He didn't want to be sick. He didn't want to die. He was angry and bitter and almost wanted to see his mother so he could yell and scream and blame her for everything, because it was her fault in a way that it could be no one else's. If she had just given a damn when he needed her to...
He let out another sob and turned, placing his back against the wall and sliding down to sit on the floor, arms wrapped around his legs and head resting on his knees, sobs shaking his entire body.
~~~
Ryan didn't come out for dinner, claiming he was still full from the food at the Diaz's, and only left the poolhouse the next morning because he knew he needed to go to Dr. Anderson's to officially find out. He barely said 3 words to any of the Cohens over breakfast, and was completely silent in the car, refusing to even look at Summer or any of his friends when they looked over, curious about why he wasn't getting out when Seth did. When Summer started over, Ryan finally looked up at Sandy, who was watching him in the rear view mirror. "Please, can we just go," he pleaded. "I don't..."
Sandy nodded and put the car back into gear, pulling away and leaving a confused Summer to stare after them.
The had to wait 15 minutes when they got there, and Ryan was annoyed to see that the same magazines where there as before, including the one that he had first seen Summer in, and when he flipped it open to the photo he found himself staring and wondering how he was going to deal with telling her this. Finally, the receptionist sent them into Dr. Anderson's office, where she was already waiting for them with Ryan's folder and test results in front of her.
"I have HIV, don't I?" Ryan asked, not giving the Cohens a chance to speak.
Dr. Anderson took a deep breath and let it out, nodding. "I'm sorry we didn't get the results sooner, there was a backlog at the lab we use, I only got them back yesterday afternoon."
"What now?" Ryan asked, his arms firmly wrapped around his stomach to hide the way his hands were shaking.
"I'm going to start you on HAART, that stands for highly active anti-retroviral therapy, and it consists of three medications. Two are NRTIs, or nucleoside analogue reverse transcriptase inhibitors, and the third is a protease inhibitor. These will keep the virus in check, and help you stay healthy, but there are side effects that can be unpleasant, and I want you to be prepared for them."
"I've done research already," Ryan said. "I know about the side effects."
"We don't," Sandy said. "How bad could they be?"
"Abdominal pain, hair loss, anemia, dizziness, headaches, insomnia, jaundice, liver failure, nausea, paresthesia, renal failure," Ryan recited. "And those are just the easy to remember ones."
"Ryan, there is no guarantee that you'll get any of those side effects..."
"Chances are I'll have at least one," Ryan countered. "Not to mention the fact that any simple infection could kill me because my immune system will be so fucked up it won't even fight back."
"Ryan, I want you to understand that HIV is not..."
"Not a death sentence," Ryan finished for her. "At this point, based on current treatments, the average patient is expected to life 32.1 years from the time of infection, so I'll most likely like to see 48, maybe if I'm lucky I'll get to see 50." He shrugged and looked up at the ceiling. "I'm not you typical little spoiled rich kid who did something stupid, I did my research a long time ago. I refreshed my memory last night. I'll take the damn drugs, I'll try to avoid getting sick, but I'm sure as hell not going to be optimistic because I wasn't all that optimistic before I found out that son of a bitch gave me HIV. So just give me the prescriptions or whatever, and let me leave so that I can actually attend school once this week."
~~~
"Are you sure about this?" Kirsten asked an hour later as they walked up the steps of Harbor. She'd called that morning to get Ryan excused from the morning classes for his appointment, and while she and Sandy needed to talk to Dr. Kim about the situation, Kirsten wasn't so sure about Ryan attending class after the morning he'd had.
"I'm not gonna hide or let this shit run my life," Ryan said as he veered off to head to class and they headed for Dr. Kim's office. He knew they were going to tell Dr. Kim the truth, it would be irresponsible of them not to, but he definitely didn't want to be present for the meeting, and he didn't want to be home alone either, so class was a better option, though only barely. He walked into his history class, handing over the excused absence note, then took a seat in the back of the class, near Holly.
"You okay?" Holly asked quietly. "I know the funeral was yesterday..."
"Can we talk at lunch? Like go to the Crab Shack or something?" Ryan asked. "I... I need to vent a little and don't think I can handle Summer and the others right now."
"No problem," Holly said, nodding. She spotted Luke watching them and almost gave him the finger. "But it might be a problem with Summer, because Luke looks like he's going to make a big deal out of it."
"If it is, it is. She doesn't get to pick my friends and we've argued about it before," Ryan said.
~~~
"So, what's up?" Holly asked as they got into her car.
"So, yesterday when we got home from Chino, it turned out my doctor had called. She wanted to see me immediately, and we made an appointment for first thing this morning..."
"Oh god," Holly said, seemingly figuring it out. "I think I know where this is going."
"I'm HIV positive," Ryan said, nodding. "And... I don't know how to tell anyone, and I know that's weird because I'm telling you, but..."
"No, I get it," Holly said. "I lucked out, but I could have been you, so it's easier to talk to me about it."
"How do I tell Summer about this? If she dumps me, how do I deal with that? If she stays with me, how do I know that it's because she loves me and not because she feels bad for me?"
"Because I'm not sure Summer has the ability to feel that much pity," Holly said. "Look, I've known her my whole life, and she can be really great and sweet sometimes, but then sometimes... she can be really mean and vicious. It's just... her. For what it's worth? I know she does really care about you, that's obvious. And if I thought for even half a second that she was just with you for pity or something? I would tell you."
"Even though she's been your friend longer?"
"She believed the 'Holly is a whore' rumors and laughed about them," Holly said. "I don't blame her, but... I have more faith in you to be loyal."
"I'd probably hit anyone I heard repeating that rumor," Ryan admitted.
"I won't tell anyone," Holly said. "No one will hear about this from me."
"Thanks, Holly," Ryan replied. "I appreciate it."
"And anytime you need to talk, you have my number, right?"
"Yeah, I do," Ryan replied.
~~~
When they got back to school, Ryan spotted Summer watching them with a tense look on her face, but didn't hurry over, instead he finished his conversation with Holly as they walked up the steps. "Well, as long as there's no stripping involved, I'd like that," he replied to her invitation to her next, real, beach house party.
"Right, I'll take strip poker off the party games list," Holly teased, laughing. "See you around, Ryan," she said, squeezing his his arm before turning away. "Hey, Sum," she greeted. "Maybe you, me, Marissa, and Taylor can hit the mall together sometime soon? Because your girl Taylor needs a little help." When she was ignored, she looked over at Ryan and shrugged behind Summer's back before turning and walking away.
"What the hell, Chino?" Summer demanded.
"Summer, we need to talk..." Ryan began.
"No, we don't," Summer said. "You need to listen. What are you doing with Holly?"
"She's my friend, you knew that a couple days ago," Ryan replied, confused by her anger.
"And you're going off campus with her?"
"We got lunch at the Crab Shack, I needed to..."
"To what? Set up a time to screw her?" Summer asked.
"What?"
"Cohen told us about your appointment and how bad you freaked about it, and I've been worried all day. But now I figure that since you're here it must have gone well, and you decided to go hang out with Holly instead of..."
"I'm here because I wanted a distraction after finding out I'm HIV Positive," Ryan hissed, pulling Summer up short.
"What?"
"Yeah, Summer," Ryan said. "I asked Holly if we could talk so I could figure out how to tell you, because it scared the hell out of me."
"Ryan, I..."
"No, you know what? You just made this easier," Ryan said. "I can't deal with having a girlfriend right now, Summer. I need friends, and if you want to go back to that, great, I'd like that. If not... if not fine, whatever, I can handle it. But a girlfriend is too much right now, especially one that thinks so little of me." He turned away, then turned back. "Go ahead and tell the others, I don't really feel like doing it myself and putting up with more bullshit on an already shitty day." With that, he turned around and walked off campus, not sure where he was going but wanting it to be away from everyone.
To Be Continued...
Summer was kind of bitch here... but it's how the story flowed out... she saw Holly playing friends with Marissa while messing around with Luke, and she expected Ryan would tell her the news first, good or bad... as much as I love Summer, even in Canon she did kinda strike me as the type to jump to conclusions and not give people the benefit of the doubt (Remember the infamous "He's cheating on me right in front of me on the phone!" from season 1's 'The Strip'? And assuming Seth was hooking up with Anna in Seaosn 4's 'The College Try'?)... This may or may not actually be end of Ryan/Summer for this fic, I haven't decided for 100% sure yet, because when I plan stuff out really well? It tends to go off in a completely different direction as I actually write... so we shall see where this one goes...
I actually have another chapter of this just about done, so maybe it'll get updated again tomorrow... lol
Author: Mara
Rating: R
Warnings: Sex, mentions of rape, violence. Language.
Summary: Ryan didn't call Sandy after Dawn kicked him out, but he still finds his way to the Cohen family.
Notes: Ummm... yeah, last real update to this one was back on July 11... lol... People may not like this chapter... but the story is about Ryan, about how he evolves and changes with each no experience in life, both the good ones and the bad... and sometimes people pass in and out of your life during the life changing experiences, but it doesn't mean they're gone for good. Just 'for now'.
Heavily Broken (Chapter Fifty Five)
Many thanks to
chrissydechagny for the most excellent banner!It was getting late before Ryan finally said goodbye to his old friends and came back over to where the Cohens were sitting. "I uh... I'm ready to go," he said.
"You sure, kid? We can stay longer if you..." Sandy began.
"It's getting late, I've still got a couple more days of school before it lets out for the summer," Ryan replied, grabbing his suit jacket. "Plus it may not be a good idea to leave Seth to his own devices for too long," he added after a moment.
"I'm so glad you came, Ryan," Eva said, giving him a hug. "Take care and keep in touch, alright?"
"Of course, Eva," Ryan replied, kissing her cheek. "Thanks for... for always letting me be part of your family," he added.
"You always will be," Eva said. "Be good and take care of yourself. Let them take care of you."
"I will," Ryan promised, nodding. He turned to everyone else. "See you around, 'Turo!" he called with a little wave before he and the Cohens head around the side of the house.
"How you doing, kid?" Sandy asked, a hand on Ryan's shoulder.
"Been better, been worse," Ryan replied, shrugging. "I'll be okay."
~~~
"There's a message from Dr. Anderson on the machine," Seth said as they walked into the house.
"When did she call?" Sandy asked as he walked over to hit the play button.
"I don't know, it was there when I got home," Seth said, shrugging.
"Mr. and Mrs. Cohen, I need to see Ryan as soon as possible," the message began. "Please call and make an appointment, or even just come in as soon as possible."
Ryan paled and sat down on one of the stools, his legs almost giving out. "There's only one reason for it to be that important," he said softly.
"You don't know that," Sandy said.
"I don't get it..." Seth began.
"There was something in my blood test," Ryan said. "There's..."
"You don't know that," Sandy repeated, moving to stand in front of Ryan. "Listen to me, you don't know that. It could be something else. Maybe..."
"Maybe what, Sandy?" Ryan asked. "Maybe when I go in she's not gonna tell me that I have HIV? The only reason to call and ask me to come in as soon as possible is that something is wrong, that I'm sick! And I don't want to hear any bullshit lies to make me feel better!" he added before heading out to the poolhouse, slamming the door behind him.
The second he got inside the poolhouse, he closed and locked the door, then moved where they couldn't see him from inside and let out a strangled sob as he slammed a fist against the wall. He was 16. He didn't want to be sick. He didn't want to die. He was angry and bitter and almost wanted to see his mother so he could yell and scream and blame her for everything, because it was her fault in a way that it could be no one else's. If she had just given a damn when he needed her to...
He let out another sob and turned, placing his back against the wall and sliding down to sit on the floor, arms wrapped around his legs and head resting on his knees, sobs shaking his entire body.
~~~
Ryan didn't come out for dinner, claiming he was still full from the food at the Diaz's, and only left the poolhouse the next morning because he knew he needed to go to Dr. Anderson's to officially find out. He barely said 3 words to any of the Cohens over breakfast, and was completely silent in the car, refusing to even look at Summer or any of his friends when they looked over, curious about why he wasn't getting out when Seth did. When Summer started over, Ryan finally looked up at Sandy, who was watching him in the rear view mirror. "Please, can we just go," he pleaded. "I don't..."
Sandy nodded and put the car back into gear, pulling away and leaving a confused Summer to stare after them.
The had to wait 15 minutes when they got there, and Ryan was annoyed to see that the same magazines where there as before, including the one that he had first seen Summer in, and when he flipped it open to the photo he found himself staring and wondering how he was going to deal with telling her this. Finally, the receptionist sent them into Dr. Anderson's office, where she was already waiting for them with Ryan's folder and test results in front of her.
"I have HIV, don't I?" Ryan asked, not giving the Cohens a chance to speak.
Dr. Anderson took a deep breath and let it out, nodding. "I'm sorry we didn't get the results sooner, there was a backlog at the lab we use, I only got them back yesterday afternoon."
"What now?" Ryan asked, his arms firmly wrapped around his stomach to hide the way his hands were shaking.
"I'm going to start you on HAART, that stands for highly active anti-retroviral therapy, and it consists of three medications. Two are NRTIs, or nucleoside analogue reverse transcriptase inhibitors, and the third is a protease inhibitor. These will keep the virus in check, and help you stay healthy, but there are side effects that can be unpleasant, and I want you to be prepared for them."
"I've done research already," Ryan said. "I know about the side effects."
"We don't," Sandy said. "How bad could they be?"
"Abdominal pain, hair loss, anemia, dizziness, headaches, insomnia, jaundice, liver failure, nausea, paresthesia, renal failure," Ryan recited. "And those are just the easy to remember ones."
"Ryan, there is no guarantee that you'll get any of those side effects..."
"Chances are I'll have at least one," Ryan countered. "Not to mention the fact that any simple infection could kill me because my immune system will be so fucked up it won't even fight back."
"Ryan, I want you to understand that HIV is not..."
"Not a death sentence," Ryan finished for her. "At this point, based on current treatments, the average patient is expected to life 32.1 years from the time of infection, so I'll most likely like to see 48, maybe if I'm lucky I'll get to see 50." He shrugged and looked up at the ceiling. "I'm not you typical little spoiled rich kid who did something stupid, I did my research a long time ago. I refreshed my memory last night. I'll take the damn drugs, I'll try to avoid getting sick, but I'm sure as hell not going to be optimistic because I wasn't all that optimistic before I found out that son of a bitch gave me HIV. So just give me the prescriptions or whatever, and let me leave so that I can actually attend school once this week."
~~~
"Are you sure about this?" Kirsten asked an hour later as they walked up the steps of Harbor. She'd called that morning to get Ryan excused from the morning classes for his appointment, and while she and Sandy needed to talk to Dr. Kim about the situation, Kirsten wasn't so sure about Ryan attending class after the morning he'd had.
"I'm not gonna hide or let this shit run my life," Ryan said as he veered off to head to class and they headed for Dr. Kim's office. He knew they were going to tell Dr. Kim the truth, it would be irresponsible of them not to, but he definitely didn't want to be present for the meeting, and he didn't want to be home alone either, so class was a better option, though only barely. He walked into his history class, handing over the excused absence note, then took a seat in the back of the class, near Holly.
"You okay?" Holly asked quietly. "I know the funeral was yesterday..."
"Can we talk at lunch? Like go to the Crab Shack or something?" Ryan asked. "I... I need to vent a little and don't think I can handle Summer and the others right now."
"No problem," Holly said, nodding. She spotted Luke watching them and almost gave him the finger. "But it might be a problem with Summer, because Luke looks like he's going to make a big deal out of it."
"If it is, it is. She doesn't get to pick my friends and we've argued about it before," Ryan said.
~~~
"So, what's up?" Holly asked as they got into her car.
"So, yesterday when we got home from Chino, it turned out my doctor had called. She wanted to see me immediately, and we made an appointment for first thing this morning..."
"Oh god," Holly said, seemingly figuring it out. "I think I know where this is going."
"I'm HIV positive," Ryan said, nodding. "And... I don't know how to tell anyone, and I know that's weird because I'm telling you, but..."
"No, I get it," Holly said. "I lucked out, but I could have been you, so it's easier to talk to me about it."
"How do I tell Summer about this? If she dumps me, how do I deal with that? If she stays with me, how do I know that it's because she loves me and not because she feels bad for me?"
"Because I'm not sure Summer has the ability to feel that much pity," Holly said. "Look, I've known her my whole life, and she can be really great and sweet sometimes, but then sometimes... she can be really mean and vicious. It's just... her. For what it's worth? I know she does really care about you, that's obvious. And if I thought for even half a second that she was just with you for pity or something? I would tell you."
"Even though she's been your friend longer?"
"She believed the 'Holly is a whore' rumors and laughed about them," Holly said. "I don't blame her, but... I have more faith in you to be loyal."
"I'd probably hit anyone I heard repeating that rumor," Ryan admitted.
"I won't tell anyone," Holly said. "No one will hear about this from me."
"Thanks, Holly," Ryan replied. "I appreciate it."
"And anytime you need to talk, you have my number, right?"
"Yeah, I do," Ryan replied.
~~~
When they got back to school, Ryan spotted Summer watching them with a tense look on her face, but didn't hurry over, instead he finished his conversation with Holly as they walked up the steps. "Well, as long as there's no stripping involved, I'd like that," he replied to her invitation to her next, real, beach house party.
"Right, I'll take strip poker off the party games list," Holly teased, laughing. "See you around, Ryan," she said, squeezing his his arm before turning away. "Hey, Sum," she greeted. "Maybe you, me, Marissa, and Taylor can hit the mall together sometime soon? Because your girl Taylor needs a little help." When she was ignored, she looked over at Ryan and shrugged behind Summer's back before turning and walking away.
"What the hell, Chino?" Summer demanded.
"Summer, we need to talk..." Ryan began.
"No, we don't," Summer said. "You need to listen. What are you doing with Holly?"
"She's my friend, you knew that a couple days ago," Ryan replied, confused by her anger.
"And you're going off campus with her?"
"We got lunch at the Crab Shack, I needed to..."
"To what? Set up a time to screw her?" Summer asked.
"What?"
"Cohen told us about your appointment and how bad you freaked about it, and I've been worried all day. But now I figure that since you're here it must have gone well, and you decided to go hang out with Holly instead of..."
"I'm here because I wanted a distraction after finding out I'm HIV Positive," Ryan hissed, pulling Summer up short.
"What?"
"Yeah, Summer," Ryan said. "I asked Holly if we could talk so I could figure out how to tell you, because it scared the hell out of me."
"Ryan, I..."
"No, you know what? You just made this easier," Ryan said. "I can't deal with having a girlfriend right now, Summer. I need friends, and if you want to go back to that, great, I'd like that. If not... if not fine, whatever, I can handle it. But a girlfriend is too much right now, especially one that thinks so little of me." He turned away, then turned back. "Go ahead and tell the others, I don't really feel like doing it myself and putting up with more bullshit on an already shitty day." With that, he turned around and walked off campus, not sure where he was going but wanting it to be away from everyone.
To Be Continued...
Summer was kind of bitch here... but it's how the story flowed out... she saw Holly playing friends with Marissa while messing around with Luke, and she expected Ryan would tell her the news first, good or bad... as much as I love Summer, even in Canon she did kinda strike me as the type to jump to conclusions and not give people the benefit of the doubt (Remember the infamous "He's cheating on me right in front of me on the phone!" from season 1's 'The Strip'? And assuming Seth was hooking up with Anna in Seaosn 4's 'The College Try'?)... This may or may not actually be end of Ryan/Summer for this fic, I haven't decided for 100% sure yet, because when I plan stuff out really well? It tends to go off in a completely different direction as I actually write... so we shall see where this one goes...
I actually have another chapter of this just about done, so maybe it'll get updated again tomorrow... lol
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
WOW !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Date: 2007-08-20 05:18 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-08-20 06:19 am (UTC)Ryan's summary about side effects and his chances to live past 50 and all that sum up pretty well, why the simple fact, that "it's not a death sentence anymore" doesn't ease my pain over this one bit. :(
no subject
Date: 2007-08-20 06:27 am (UTC)Ah, but you have to remember that just like 2 decades ago, the side effects were worse and the life expectance was shorter... so in 2 more decades, who knows what kind of new meds there might be? Ryan could still very well end up living to be 74 and dying of old age after living a long and productive life...
no subject
Date: 2007-08-20 06:35 am (UTC)But I can't really control my feelings either.
And right now, it feels like 'Heavenly Broken' just lost his place in my AllTimeFavorites - LotsOfRereadingAhead - List, where it was situated before. *sigh*
I don't tell you that to make you feel bad, it's just the way I feel right now and I want to be honest.
I will continue to read it, but it just feels different right now.
Got to get to work now.
no subject
Date: 2007-08-20 07:39 am (UTC)When you called this Heavily Broken you were serious.
The poor guy can't take a trick. I thought that finally he had turned a corner and that things were looking up for him but you have shot that theory down.
I have to admit that it's getting a bit depressing. It's one thing to bash him up emotionally and physically but only if there is a glimmer of hope that he will come through it. You have successfully killed off that chance. I'm scared now that suicide is all you have left to do to him but I'm hoping that his friends can help him so that eh doesn't consider that.
no subject
Date: 2007-08-20 08:12 am (UTC)Anyway, thanks for the update. It's still a great story which I will continue reading. I don't think Ryan will give up living, I think you will write him as a testament to survival, am I wrong? Don't answer I'll just read to find out.
no subject
Date: 2007-08-20 04:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-08-20 06:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-08-20 08:35 am (UTC)i really love this story. i literally stayed glued to my seat while i read the first chapter to chapter fifty five. i can't believe he has hiv the poor kid just cant catch a break. and to think i thought caleb was the worst of his problems. couldn't this all be a dream like the dallas episode
no subject
Date: 2007-08-20 11:22 am (UTC)I must say I really love this fic! I love all your fics! Mind if I friend you?
no subject
Date: 2007-08-20 04:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-08-20 12:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-08-20 01:27 pm (UTC)Ryan sure does love his statistics, doesn't he? Will we get a scene of the Cohen's reeling from the news?
Look forward to the next update as this is one of my favorites, especially now with this new development.
no subject
Date: 2007-08-20 03:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-08-20 04:46 pm (UTC)Great job.
no subject
Date: 2007-08-21 06:25 am (UTC)I'd say you have him reacting in character, especially for this fic. The most visible signs of his most recent physical trauma have finally faded- at least to the unknowing, naked eye. Certainly he'll have the scars from some of his injuries for the rest of his life, even without a cast, bandages, cuts and the bruises that all would draw attention. More recently, it's been about the emotional cost of what he's endured- and not just from the rape and beating, but from so many violations. Now, he's back to both emotional and physical components and reminders. The combination should both blindside him all over while having the potential to wreak havoc with his very fragile sense of self-worth. If he thought he was damaged goods before, now he has every reason to feel like a pariah and wonder if he's doomed to be unwanted and untouchable all over again. There might have been emotional reasons for his intimacy issues, but now there will always be far more he can't deny.
I can't imagine that Sandy and Kirsten would feel any differently toward him, and I'd imagine they'd discussed this possibility already as a potential scenario. That doesn't make the reality any easier, but they had no prior preparation for trying to help Ryan cope- or confront the horrors of his life themselves either. I'll be curious to see how they rally for him as well as how his friends do.
Ryan's a realist and he's always been someone who has lived in the present and focused on immediate survival out of necessity. This would continue to fit that perspective and mode of daily living, but it certainly drives his mortality home in other heightened, regimented ways. It seems poor Ryan is always more vulnerable and more at risk for something.
His reaction to Summer seems very natural. He'd want to withdraw before being rejected and he really doesn't know how anyone he's known so briefly would react to something so shocking and beyond the realm of her experience, especially if she was anticipating a new level in their relationship. Right now, it's more important for Ryan to have support from the people who are with him for the distance- and then go from there.
Thanks for update!
no subject
Date: 2007-10-03 06:30 am (UTC)