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missmara13Title: Everything
Author: Mara
Fandoms: The OC
Prompt: #006 - The Girlfriend
Rating: R
Warnings: Language
Summary: There was no one to blame for this, no one to yell and scream at until they fixed it, and that was almost as bad as what was happening itself.
Notes: A companion of sorts to Heavy Things which was the 'Ryan battling cancer and surviving it' fic. I delibrately left it ambiguous as to who Ryan's girlfriend in it was, and this is just one version of who she is. This will make a bit more sense if you've read 'Heavy Things', since it explains who 'Emily' is.
Everything
Summer wasn't meant to be this girl, the one who stood by the dying boys side, but here she was, curled up beside Ryan in his bed after he told her about the Leukemia, her head on his chest and one hand splayed across his stomach while one of his arms curled around her back and gently rested on her hip, something that at any other time would have her almost purring in desire but now just made her want to cry more and harder.
She'd had her meltdown when he'd first said it, initially accusing him of pulling a cruel joke than starting to cry and scream and sob. But now she knew she couldn't do that again. Ryan needed her to be strong for him, to take care of him during this, and she wouldn't fall down on the job.
There was no one to blame for this, no one to yell and scream at until they fixed it, and that was almost as bad as what was happening itself.
~~~
The first time Summer was there to see him curled up on the floor next to the toilet, his head cradled in Kirsten's lap while she murmured soft words of reassurances and stroked his hair, Summer felt like running away, but instead she got a wash cloth and lightly dampened it before sitting down and wiping the sweat off Ryan's face, making only vaguely scolding shushing sounds when he tried to say he didn't want her seeing him like this. She told him she could handle it, he was too important to her for her to leave him just because he was throwing up a little.
~~~
She was laying with him in his new bed, inside the main house, and coming her fingers through his hair when she realized she was accidentally pulling out clumps of it and she'd had to bite her lip to keep from crying. She told him she needed to get a bottle of water, and gone to tell Kirsten, asking what they should do, and Kirsten had told her that his hair had been falling out the last week or so, and he knew about it, he just wasn't ready to deal with it. Summer squared her shoulders and went back to Ryan's room, sitting down and telling him point blank that the hair coming out in her fingers was creeping her out, and she thought he'd look damn sexy bald.
The bought clippers and Sandy did it, slowly shaving off Ryan's hair while Summer held his hand and told him that he should get a tattoo of something once he was better but before his hair grew back, maybe a dirty word that only a few select people would know was there once it was back. It didn't stop silent tears from falling on her hands as she held his hands in his lap, but she pretended not to see or feel them.
~~~
It turned out Caleb wasn't such a bad guy, just a jerk. The day after they shaved Ryan's head and Summer had placed kisses all over his head as she told him how much she loved him and suggested various tattoo ideas, Caleb and Julie arrived and while Julie pulled Kirsten aside to be a halfway decent friend, Caleb held a bag out to Ryan, face stern and serious, and Ryan had hesitantly opened it, then smiled shyly and pulled out the couple of baseball caps that had the Newport Group's Logo on them. Caleb tried to shrug it off that since Kirsten was missing so much work, 'the boy' might as well make it up to them by advertising for the company, but Summer saw the soft and sad look on his face when Ryan wasn't looking.
Later she caught Caleb alone in the kitchen and couldn't stop herself from throwing her arms around his neck and murmuring a thank you to him for being nice, because Ryan needed all the nice he could get right now. Caleb had gruffly responded that Ryan was a good boy, for a delinquent, and Summer had smiled again and told him not to be too nice or Ryan would get worried.
~~~
At school, most of the teachers knew and cut Ryan some slack, both with school work and with his new tendency to fall asleep in class. The understood that he was trying to be normal, but having a hard time at it. There was one teacher though, a new one named Mr. Gregory, who didn't get it or maybe didn't care. The first time Ryan walked into class wearing one of his Newport Group hats, Mr. Gregory ordered him to remove it, and even the note Ryan had from Dr. Kim giving him permission to wear it in class wasn't enough to get the teacher to just let it go.
So Summer watched as Ryan squared his shoulders and removed the hat, revealing his bald head, then slid the hat into his backpack as he removed his books, and stared straight ahead, waiting for Mr. Gregory to start the class as everyone stared, their gazes going back and forth between Ryan and Mr. Gregory until finally Luke spoke up in a disgusted voice, congratulating Mr. Gregory on bullying the kid with cancer.
The next day, Luke walked in wearing a hat, too, and when Mr. Gregory ordered it removed, a bald head was revealed, and Summer could forgive Luke all his past mistakes and stupidities because he made Ryan smile. A smile that widened when Luke mentioned that Chip and Dave were the same way, along with most of the rest of the soccer team. He'd turned and grinned at Ryan, mouthing something about solidarity, and Ryan had chuckled.
~~~
She couldn't stand being with him while they pumped the poison into his body, even if it was saving his life, but she forced herself to go as often as she could. Sitting with him and talking about college and their futures. About how they'd go to her grandfather's place in the mountains after graduation, have a week or two all to themselves in a beautiful place where they could skinny dip in the lake and no one would notice or care. Ryan would laugh and saw he couldn't wait, but Summer could tell he was scared he wouldn't live long enough to do it.
When those thoughts came, she would excuse herself and calmly walk down the hall and around a corner before wrapping her arms around her stomach and opening her mouth in a silent scream and doubling over as though in physical pain. Once a nurse even came running over, and she had to gasp out that it was this or let her boyfriend know that she thought he was dying, too. They learned after a while to just leave her be, except to tell her if her makeup needed fixing before she went back in to continue being the shiny happy girl Ryan needed her to be.
~~~
Summer wasn't there when Dawn showed up, but she saw the aftermath, saw how Ryan was curled up on the bed, cradled in Sandy's arms as he rocked him back and forth, repeating over and over again that he wasn't going to die, that he was fighting and he was going to live. She'd wanted to fly into a rage, but as she'd turned to go hunt down Dawn she'd run straight into Kirsten, who embraced her and stroked her hair while she cried silent tears against the woman's shoulder.
When she'd pulled herself together, Summer asked Kirsten why this was all happening, and Kirsten had just shaken her heard and whispered that she didn't know, maybe to make Ryan, make them all, stronger in the long run.
Summer wasn't sure she believed that.
~~~
It was 10 years after Ryan was declared cancer free that he excitedly told her about designing a Pediatric Oncology wing for the hospital, and Summer had watched the life and energy in him as he drew his designs. When the ground breaking ceremony came months later, Summer happily attended on her husband's arm, and pointed out Emily, the nurse who'd always been so nice to them, smiling as Ryan eagerly pulled himself away from investors to go see the woman and thank her.
"I don't know if you remember me, but I feel like I should thank you..."
The End
Author: Mara
Fandoms: The OC
Prompt: #006 - The Girlfriend
Rating: R
Warnings: Language
Summary: There was no one to blame for this, no one to yell and scream at until they fixed it, and that was almost as bad as what was happening itself.
Notes: A companion of sorts to Heavy Things which was the 'Ryan battling cancer and surviving it' fic. I delibrately left it ambiguous as to who Ryan's girlfriend in it was, and this is just one version of who she is. This will make a bit more sense if you've read 'Heavy Things', since it explains who 'Emily' is.
Everything
Summer wasn't meant to be this girl, the one who stood by the dying boys side, but here she was, curled up beside Ryan in his bed after he told her about the Leukemia, her head on his chest and one hand splayed across his stomach while one of his arms curled around her back and gently rested on her hip, something that at any other time would have her almost purring in desire but now just made her want to cry more and harder.
She'd had her meltdown when he'd first said it, initially accusing him of pulling a cruel joke than starting to cry and scream and sob. But now she knew she couldn't do that again. Ryan needed her to be strong for him, to take care of him during this, and she wouldn't fall down on the job.
There was no one to blame for this, no one to yell and scream at until they fixed it, and that was almost as bad as what was happening itself.
~~~
The first time Summer was there to see him curled up on the floor next to the toilet, his head cradled in Kirsten's lap while she murmured soft words of reassurances and stroked his hair, Summer felt like running away, but instead she got a wash cloth and lightly dampened it before sitting down and wiping the sweat off Ryan's face, making only vaguely scolding shushing sounds when he tried to say he didn't want her seeing him like this. She told him she could handle it, he was too important to her for her to leave him just because he was throwing up a little.
~~~
She was laying with him in his new bed, inside the main house, and coming her fingers through his hair when she realized she was accidentally pulling out clumps of it and she'd had to bite her lip to keep from crying. She told him she needed to get a bottle of water, and gone to tell Kirsten, asking what they should do, and Kirsten had told her that his hair had been falling out the last week or so, and he knew about it, he just wasn't ready to deal with it. Summer squared her shoulders and went back to Ryan's room, sitting down and telling him point blank that the hair coming out in her fingers was creeping her out, and she thought he'd look damn sexy bald.
The bought clippers and Sandy did it, slowly shaving off Ryan's hair while Summer held his hand and told him that he should get a tattoo of something once he was better but before his hair grew back, maybe a dirty word that only a few select people would know was there once it was back. It didn't stop silent tears from falling on her hands as she held his hands in his lap, but she pretended not to see or feel them.
~~~
It turned out Caleb wasn't such a bad guy, just a jerk. The day after they shaved Ryan's head and Summer had placed kisses all over his head as she told him how much she loved him and suggested various tattoo ideas, Caleb and Julie arrived and while Julie pulled Kirsten aside to be a halfway decent friend, Caleb held a bag out to Ryan, face stern and serious, and Ryan had hesitantly opened it, then smiled shyly and pulled out the couple of baseball caps that had the Newport Group's Logo on them. Caleb tried to shrug it off that since Kirsten was missing so much work, 'the boy' might as well make it up to them by advertising for the company, but Summer saw the soft and sad look on his face when Ryan wasn't looking.
Later she caught Caleb alone in the kitchen and couldn't stop herself from throwing her arms around his neck and murmuring a thank you to him for being nice, because Ryan needed all the nice he could get right now. Caleb had gruffly responded that Ryan was a good boy, for a delinquent, and Summer had smiled again and told him not to be too nice or Ryan would get worried.
~~~
At school, most of the teachers knew and cut Ryan some slack, both with school work and with his new tendency to fall asleep in class. The understood that he was trying to be normal, but having a hard time at it. There was one teacher though, a new one named Mr. Gregory, who didn't get it or maybe didn't care. The first time Ryan walked into class wearing one of his Newport Group hats, Mr. Gregory ordered him to remove it, and even the note Ryan had from Dr. Kim giving him permission to wear it in class wasn't enough to get the teacher to just let it go.
So Summer watched as Ryan squared his shoulders and removed the hat, revealing his bald head, then slid the hat into his backpack as he removed his books, and stared straight ahead, waiting for Mr. Gregory to start the class as everyone stared, their gazes going back and forth between Ryan and Mr. Gregory until finally Luke spoke up in a disgusted voice, congratulating Mr. Gregory on bullying the kid with cancer.
The next day, Luke walked in wearing a hat, too, and when Mr. Gregory ordered it removed, a bald head was revealed, and Summer could forgive Luke all his past mistakes and stupidities because he made Ryan smile. A smile that widened when Luke mentioned that Chip and Dave were the same way, along with most of the rest of the soccer team. He'd turned and grinned at Ryan, mouthing something about solidarity, and Ryan had chuckled.
~~~
She couldn't stand being with him while they pumped the poison into his body, even if it was saving his life, but she forced herself to go as often as she could. Sitting with him and talking about college and their futures. About how they'd go to her grandfather's place in the mountains after graduation, have a week or two all to themselves in a beautiful place where they could skinny dip in the lake and no one would notice or care. Ryan would laugh and saw he couldn't wait, but Summer could tell he was scared he wouldn't live long enough to do it.
When those thoughts came, she would excuse herself and calmly walk down the hall and around a corner before wrapping her arms around her stomach and opening her mouth in a silent scream and doubling over as though in physical pain. Once a nurse even came running over, and she had to gasp out that it was this or let her boyfriend know that she thought he was dying, too. They learned after a while to just leave her be, except to tell her if her makeup needed fixing before she went back in to continue being the shiny happy girl Ryan needed her to be.
~~~
Summer wasn't there when Dawn showed up, but she saw the aftermath, saw how Ryan was curled up on the bed, cradled in Sandy's arms as he rocked him back and forth, repeating over and over again that he wasn't going to die, that he was fighting and he was going to live. She'd wanted to fly into a rage, but as she'd turned to go hunt down Dawn she'd run straight into Kirsten, who embraced her and stroked her hair while she cried silent tears against the woman's shoulder.
When she'd pulled herself together, Summer asked Kirsten why this was all happening, and Kirsten had just shaken her heard and whispered that she didn't know, maybe to make Ryan, make them all, stronger in the long run.
Summer wasn't sure she believed that.
~~~
It was 10 years after Ryan was declared cancer free that he excitedly told her about designing a Pediatric Oncology wing for the hospital, and Summer had watched the life and energy in him as he drew his designs. When the ground breaking ceremony came months later, Summer happily attended on her husband's arm, and pointed out Emily, the nurse who'd always been so nice to them, smiling as Ryan eagerly pulled himself away from investors to go see the woman and thank her.
"I don't know if you remember me, but I feel like I should thank you..."
The End
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2007-08-08 09:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-08-08 10:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-08-08 02:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-08-08 05:13 pm (UTC)I love you stories!
no subject
Date: 2007-08-08 05:49 pm (UTC)My favorite bit, which made me laugh out loud - Luke and the rest of the soccer team shaving their heads.
no subject
Date: 2007-08-08 07:03 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-08-08 08:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-08-09 12:31 am (UTC)The parts that resonate most are the whole interaction with Caleb, which somehow has just the right tone and mood, particularly with Caleb not wanting to show or voice too much investment and concern, and the unspoken recognition from most- other than Summer. Someone has to call him on it, even privately. It does make me wonder just what did transpire between Ryan and Caleb during and after that time.
I also love the loyal and genuinely supportive side of Luke showing itself and the response and emotion that would evoke in Ryan and those close to him. I could see Ryan inspiring that sort of solidarity, but never expecting it.
Then there's the reference to Emily again, with this sort of opposing view showcasing more of the same, but from another angle. Ryan would be just the type to underestimate his impact on everyone and even wonder if he had had an effect or would be remembered at all.
Another tearjerker...
no subject
Date: 2007-08-09 01:01 am (UTC)The Ryan/Caleb dynamic is one I keep wanting to explore in various permutations... be it getting along (The Unexpected), hate-filled (Heavily Broken), grudgingly civil (The 'Lost Boys' universe crossing over The OC and Supernatural), or this one, which I can't quite define yet... lol
Ryan just would never see it coming that anyone would care that much... in this universe, though not mentioned since so far nothing has been from his perspective, he also doesn't expect the Cohens or Summer to stand by him... he keeps expecting Summer to leave.
As you said, he just doesn't see how important he is and how he draws people to him...
no subject
Date: 2007-08-13 04:04 am (UTC)The Ryan/Caleb dynamic is one of my absolute favorites, and yet another one that TPTB simply failed to deliver in spectacular fashion. Add it to the list. That's why I enjoyed chase's "Equilibrium" so much.
There's so much potential between this two. Caleb keeps so much hidden, but he's obviously jealous of Ryan, perhaps because Ryan embodies so many of the qualities Caleb values, yet also has so much integrity. He certainly feels threatened by Ryan, who, despite his age and background, isn't nearly as intimidated by Caleb as 99.9% of the population is. And no matter how often Caleb singles out Ryan as his target to insult and hurt simply as an outlet for his own shortcomings or to vent feelings that should be directed elsewhere, Ryan doesn't waver. Caleb never directly admits the reasons behind his feelings, but he also reaches a point where he begins to grudgingly acknowledge, accept, and even show hints of respecting Ryan- but we never get to learn the why or see the payoff.
For Ryan's part, Caleb epitomizes everything most unsettling about Newport. What makes it all even worse is that Caleb is Kirsten's father, and Kirsten is the one person Ryan has so much difficulty reading while trying to respect her boundaries and decipher her signals. With that precarious beginning, he can't afford to alienate, or even inconvenience her in any way. That makes coping with Caleb all the more problematic with every encounter and exchange putting him one step closer to the curb.
Anywho, in this particular story, what resonates so much for Ryan is that people do care, that he does make lasting impressions, that everyone is touched, invested and compelled to help him, and that no one is willing to consider failing him or giving up. That has to be mind blowing to a kid who has been conditioned to believe he has to be perfect to simply be tolerated and not discarded. He can't imagine being in need himself and being so obviously "damaged goods" in the truest sense and having people rally around him as real protectors. Then there's his fear of being a burden as well as being abandoned. That gruesome twosome goes hand in hand.
no subject
Date: 2007-08-09 05:03 am (UTC)I hope that you decide to explore the Ryan/Caleb dynamic some more because I'm sure that there's a lot to be told.
And I've friended you. I hope that's okay?
no subject
Date: 2007-08-09 05:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-09-04 07:14 pm (UTC)Thankfully happy ending. Thank you very much for this little story?
*going to read Heavy Things*
no subject
Date: 2012-02-06 09:39 am (UTC)