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Title: Fallen (Part 3/4)
Author: Mara
Fandom: The OC
Rating: R
Word Count: 1078
Warnings: Depressing. Mentions of Suicide Attempts.
Summary: Ryan's hit rock bottom.
Notes: Comes after Numb and Sinking.


Fallen


Everything was blurry for a long time.

There was crying and screaming and begging, with sirens and flashing lights. It was almost like Christmas in the Atwood home. Except instead of getting hit, Ryan's hair was gently stroked by Kirsten as she murmured something, and his hand was held by Sandy, and Summer would kiss his forehead and tell him she'd be back tomorrow, and Seth would try to talk to him about anything really but would end up just silently watching Ryan stare into space.

They didn't see Marissa standing near the door, looking like she had that last day at the model home, when they had agreed to be friends even if their love couldn't work again. She never spoke, just stood there and smiled at him, and Ryan watched her because he wanted so much for her to really be there and for this to all just be a horrible dream, even though he knew she wasn't there and he was imagining her.

Slowly, he began to see the little things clearly.

He saw the dark bags under all of their eyes. He saw Seth's haunted gaze and Summer's UCLA baseball cap. He saw Kirsten's silent tears and Sandy's helpless expression. He saw Luke walk to the door then walk away 5 times before he managed to screw up his courage and come in. He saw Theresa come and stand in the doorway, then shake her head and run away with tears streaming down her face. He saw Julie come to comfort Kirsten and he saw Kaitlin crying into her hands when he didn't respond to her. He saw that his mother never came, but Kirsten was always there.

Marissa was always there, too, and she slowly moved closer to stand at the foot of his bed and she said something he couldn't quite hear and he wanted to beg her to say it louder, but he couldn't make his voice work. So he kept ignoring them all in hopes that Marissa would come back to him, even though he knew it was a useless hope.

Then he started hearing them clearly.

He heard Kirsten reading various interesting magazine articles and books to him. He heard Sandy singing under his breath and when no one else was around asking why Ryan tried to leave them. He heard Seth's quiet questions about why he hadn't snapped out of it yet. And he heard Summer's soft requests for him to talk to her and step back from the water. He heard Trey's voice when Sandy held the phone to his ear, his brother asking him to be strong and come back.

And Marissa moved to stand beside his bed, her hip almost resting against the edge, and she looked so real he thought he could reach out and touch her. She said it again, and he smiled at her words of love and reassurance and her requests that he come with her so they could be happy and together.

Then came the day Kirsten was reading from some book and Marissa actually came to Ryan's bedside and held out her hand to him.

"Come with me," Marissa said, her hand so close. All Ryan had to do was lift his own and they could be together again and everything would be okay. "Come with me and we can be alone together and no one can ever come between us.

"Please don't leave us."

Ryan froze, his hand raised just a little bit, when he heard Kristen's soft words and he turned his head to look at her as she stared at the ceiling.

"Please, Ryan, just come back to us and we'll fix this."

"Come with me," Marissa repeated, the urgency in her voice making Ryan turn back to her. "We can be together!"

"We know you're hurting, but we can work on making it better if you'll just come back to us," Kirsten said. "We love you so much, and you're dying right in front of us."

Ryan looked at Kirsten again, then back to Marissa, who looked angry and hurt and pouting. "No," he whispered, his voice hoarse.

"Ryan?" both women said at once.

Ryan shook his head and squeezed his eyes shut. "No." he repeated, then clearer, louder, stronger, "No."

"Ryan, baby?"

"Don't do this! Come with me!"

Ryan shook his head again and opened his eyes to look at Marissa, tears forming in his eyes. "No," he repeated before turning to look at Kirsten. "Help me," he pleaded, and her face lit up in relief.

Kirsten nodded and got up to pull him into a hug. "We'll find a way to make you better, Ryan, I promise you."

"Don't leave me!" Marissa pleaded, and Ryan turned his head towards her again and saw her hair, hanging limp around her bloody face, like it had in those final moments as she took her last breaths. "Please, don't leave me!"

"We know your hurting but we'll find a way to make it better," Kirsten said, rocking Ryan back and forth like he was a child.

"Shut up!" Marissa screamed at an unhearing Kirsten. "Don't listen to her! She wants to get rid of me!"

"She won't go away," Ryan said, turning his head and pressing his face against Kirsten's shoulder. "I don't wanna see her anymore..."

Kirsten gasped and held Ryan tighter. "We'll make her go away," she said, realizing who he must mean.

"Come with me!" Marissa yelled.

"She wants me to go with her... but I told her no... she's mad at me..."

"Thank you," Kirsten said. "Thank you for telling her no and coming back to us. We love you so much..."

Ryan took a deep breath then turned to look at Marissa again, but she was gone. There was nothing and no one else in the room but him and Kirsten, and the only sounds were Kirsten's continued reassurances and promises of help. Marissa was gone again, and even though Ryan had chosen the Cohens over her, even though he'd said he wanted her to go away, he felt another weight added to his shoulders because he abandoned Marissa again.

"Don't leave us again," Kirsten pleaded, still rocking him back and forth. "Please, Ryan, say something so I know you haven't left us again."

"She's gone," Ryan whispered, confused and hurt. "I abandoned her and she left me..."

"You didn't abandoned her," Kirsten said. "You just chose yourself for once. And you chose us."

To Be Continued....



Only one more in this little series to go after this... I'll post it tomorrow... and I'm going to go back and change all the 'The End' at the ends of the each part because they all kinda go together... lol...
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