(no subject)

[missmara13]

Title: Breath
Author: Mara (missmara)
Fandom: The OC
Rating: Hard R.
Warnings: M/M Rape (Non-graphic), violence, suicidal thoughts, really harsh language.
Summary: This wasn't suppose to happen to guys like him, guys who everyone saw as tough. He should have been able to fight Volchak off, to get away. He should have gotten a beating, but not... not that.
Notes: Response to brandywine421's the oc au challenge, #72 to be exact. Been a little while on this one, but I was mulling over this chapter. Yeah, I rush it a little bit, but Ryan's got enough on his plate in this one and I wanted to take one problem away... lol


Breath - Chapter Two

Once they were home, Kirsten and Sandy sent Ryan to the pool house to rest, but he found himself staring up at the ceiling, unable to close his eyes without seeing the look on Volchak's face as the other boy had stumbled back, knife sticking out of his chest, dying.

He had killed someone.

There was a knock on the pool house door, and when Ryan glanced over he recognized the silhouette through the blinds. "I'd really rather be alone right now, Sandy," he called, hoping the man would listen.

"You need to take your antibiotics," Sandy replied.

Ryan sighed, but slowly got to his feet, one arm wrapped protectively around his side. He unlocked the door and opened it a crack. "Thanks," he said as he accepted the pills.

"How are you feeling?"

"Fine," Ryan replied, trying to close the door only to have Sandy step through the doorway instead. "Really, Sandy, I'm fine. I just want to sleep a while longer..."

"I need to talk to you about what's going to happen now..."

"I'm gonna be charged with murder, aren't I?" Ryan asked.

"From what Marissa said, it was obviously self defense, but..."

"I'll probably be charged anyway," Ryan said. "Which means a trial, which probably wouldn't happen for months, which means I can't leave town, which means, even if I'm aquitted, no Berkeley in the fall. Right?"

"We can get you a deferment," Sandy began.

"Forget it, maybe this is a sign," Ryan said. "Maybe I was never meant for college."

"Don't say that, kid," Sandy said. "You'll get through this, and yeah, you'll be a year behind, but..."

Ryan looked away. "Sandy, I got stabbed last night, I'm really not in a positive mood, and I just want to sleep..."

"But..."

"Please," Ryan said, letting some of the edge creep into his voice. "Please, just leave me alone for a while," he added softer.

"Okay, I'll give you some time. But after dinner we need to sit down and talk."

"Fine," Ryan said. Once Sandy was gone, Ryan closed and locked the door again, leaning against it for a long moment before going to grab a bottle of water from the mini fridge and gulp half of it down along with his antibiotics. He really did want to sleep, but he knew it wasn't going to happen, not for a long while yet.

~~~~

When Kirsten came out to get him for dinner, he pretended to sleep, huddled under the blankets and forcing himself to stay completely still until he heard her sigh and get up again. When the door clicked closed, he rolled over onto his back and considered getting up to lock the door again, but didn't. He was pretty sure he'd scared Seth into not coming out, and it was easy to ignore Sandy and Kirsten long enough for them to get the hint and leave.

He shouldn't have been surprised when the door opened a while later and someone came in to sit on the bed. He could feel their eyes boring into his back, and finally, with a sigh, he rolled over to look. "What do you want, Roberts?" he asked.

"I wanted to see how you're doing, and you've yet to yell at me," Summer said. "Besides, you've seen rage blackouts in action and you're not that stupid, so I thought it was an acceptable risk."

Ryan couldn't help cracking a slight smile. "I'm fine," he said.

"Bull, Atwood," Summer replied. "You look like shit."

"I got stabbed in the stomach last night. Then I killed a guy. Tell me how I should look."

"You've looked like shit since Prom," Summer corrected herself. "Please, just tell me..."

"I'm gonna lose my scholarship," Ryan said. "To Berkeley. Sandy told me I'm probably gonna be charged with murder, and even if I get aquitted, it's gonna take months, and I'll lose my scholarship."

"You can defer," Summer said. "Tell them because of personal reasons, you need a year..."

"You really think a school like Berkeley will want a murderer as a student?" Ryan asked.

"Atwood, it was an accident," Summer said, reaching out to take his hand when she saw how he was shaking. "Talk to me, okay? Because this Berkeley stuff came today, not prom night, and you've been weird since then."

"I... I really don't wanna talk about it," Ryan said, his eyes pleading.

"Summer, I thought we were going to a movie?" Seth said, looking anywhere but at Ryan.

"Cohen, maybe we..." Summer began.

"Thanks for coming by, I'll see you around, Roberts," Ryan said, pulling his hand out of hers and rolling over so his back was to her.

Summer didn't get up immediately, but when Seth made an impatient sound, she gently touched Ryan's shoulder before getting up. As the door clicked closed, Ryan could hear the smack Summer gave Seth. "Ass!"

"What?" Seth asked. "He's the one snapping at everybody!"

"And you're always perfect after a shitty year," Summer said, followed by the sound of another smack.

Ryan couldn't help smiling slightly as he pulled the covers up a little more.

~~~~

It went that way for a few weeks, with Ryan alternating between playing the waiting game to find out if he's being charged with murder or not, and Summer showing up every few days to fuss over him and try to convince him to get up. For some reason, he felt more able to relax with Summer, and was able to show just the smallest hint of vulnerability to her, even if he knew he'd never tell her the full reason he was rapidly sinking into depression.

"Ryan, I have news," Sandy said finally as he came into the pool house during one of Summer's visits. "Can you leave us alone for a while, Summer?"

"Call if you wanna talk, Atwood," Summer said as she got up. "I'll come by tomorrow, and you will go jogging with me then," she added before leaving.

"What's up?" Ryan asked Sandy once the door clicked shut behind Summer.

"The DA is offering a deal."

"What?" Ryan said. "So they haven't even charged me, and..."

"The DA has worked it out with a judge, and they're willing to forego officially pressing charges if you go back on probation, and agree to stay in the state for the next year."

"Wait... that's all?" Ryan said.

"It's... unusual. But apparently the DA had been building a case against Volchak for drug dealing, assault, and other charges, and figures that if they were ordered to turn over that evidence, you'd get off with at most a year or two in lock up, and he doesn't think you deserve that. So, two years probation, a year of which you have to stay in California."

"That means I can still go to Berkeley," Ryan said. "Right?"

"Yeah, it does," Sandy agreed with a smile. "So... is this okay with you? We can take our chances in court, you could end up with nothing..."

"I want this over," Ryan said. "Probation and staying in state is fine," Ryan said, letting the relief wash over him. "This... this is a lot better than I thought, Sandy."

"Yeah, same here," Sandy agreed, patting Ryan's knee and frowning when his son flinched away from the touch. "Everything okay?"

"Just tired," Ryan said. "Been under some stress, you know."

"I know," Sandy agreed, getting up. "Get some rest, I think Summer was serious about the jogging."

To Be Continued...