missmara13

Title: Breath
Author: Mara (

missmara)
Fandom: The OC (For now... see notes after the chapter...)
Rating: Hard R.
Warnings: M/M Rape (Non-graphic), violence, suicidal thoughts, really harsh language.
Summary: This wasn't suppose to happen to guys like him, guys who everyone saw as tough. He should have been able to fight Volchak off, to get away. He should have gotten a beating, but not... not that.
Notes: Response to

brandywine421's the oc au challenge, #72 to be exact. Title comes from the song of the same name by Breaking Benjamin.

Breath - Chapter One

Ryan stumbled into the pool house's bathroom, his stomach churning, and dropped to his knees as it emptied into the toilet. When he stopped gagging, he sat back on his heels, taking a deep, gulping, breath, then leaning forward to vomit again as he caught a whiff of Volchak's sent, cigarettes and booze, on his own clothes and skin. This time, when he was able to straighten, he started yanking off his clothes, shoving them as far into the corner of the bathroom as he could before almost throwing himself into the bathroom and turning the hot water on full blast.

He started scrubbing, need to get the smell off of his body, needing to smell like himself again, without the immediate memories of what had happened. When the soap hit the base of Ryan's skull, it stung, and he carefully moved his fingers over the torn skin, feeling the knot that was still oozing blood. Ryan told himself that the only reason Volchak had managed to overpower him was that he'd been disoriented from the blow to the head, that he'd been barely conscious as the other man had... had...

Not so tough now, are you?

Ryan fought down the urge to vomit again and leaned against the wall, letting the scalding water wash over him as he let out an almost silent sob and slid down to sit on the floor of the shower. This wasn't suppose to happen to guys like him, guys who everyone saw as tough. He should have been able to fight Volchak off, to get away. He should have gotten a beating, but not... not that. He was 17, he had gotten into more fights than he could count, he'd even gotten Volchak to back down once before. But this time... this time he'd been stupid, trying to be the bigger man and walk away without getting into a fight.

Instead he'd wound up face down on the floor, too numb with pain and shock to struggle, his dress pants shoved down and his shirt and jacket hiked up, with Volchak's hands on his back and their bodies pressed together as Volchak shoved in, never stopping the string of insults.

Tighter than that bitch's pussy.

Marissa.

God, Marissa... what was he suppose to say to her? Yeah, he got the prom money back for Taylor, all it cost was getting fucking raped on the floor of that piss hole Volchak called a home.

With that thought, Ryan couldn't keep himself from gagging again and had to leap out of the shower, surprised there was anything left in his stomach to come up.

~~~

If Sandy and Kirsten noticed he wasn't at breakfast, they didn't come out to ask him if everything was okay. Seth came out briefly, but Ryan just called through the bathroom door that the recovered money was in the desk drawer, asking if Seth could return it to Taylor for him. Seth didn't ask questions, just said they needed some serious Seth/Ryan time later to talk about Summer, and left, much to Ryan's relief as he sat inside the bathroom, his back pressed firmly against the door to keep it closed.

Once it was late enough that he was sure everyone had left, he slowly got to his feet, trying to ignore the pain, and opened the door to find himself alone. He stumbled over to the pool house doors and locked them tight, closing the blinds as he went, then shivered and went to get some clean clothes, ones that wouldn't have any of Volchak's scent on them. He settled on sweatpants and a long sleeved shirt, hoping that it would help him feel hidden. That was all he wanted, to be invisible for a while so he could curl up in bed and just be left alone until... until he could function.

Thankfully, Kirsten was so busy with she and Julie's catering business, and Sandy was so busy with the Newport Group, neither seemed to notice that he skipped dinner, and Seth hurried off to see Summer as soon as possible, leaving Ryan along for the night. He piled all the extra blankets he could find in the pool house onto the bed and curled up under them, wishing they were enough to keep the cold at bay.

Now you know who's in charge, huh?

In the morning, though, Seth came barging into the pool house, waving the spare key and asking why Ryan had locked the door in one breath, then starting in on how things with Summer were looking good in the next. Ryan finally shoved back the covers. "Leave me the fuck alone, Seth," he growled as he got up and went to the bathroom, slamming the door shut before sinking down to sit against it again.

~~~

He made it through the next few days by playing sick to avoid school and stay under the covers in the pool house. Since he'd already taken all his finals, he didn't really need to be there, so it didn't matter. But graduation meant so much to the Cohens, and his mom was actually coming, so he made himself go to it, forcing a smile whenever anyone looked his way and trying to avoid having time alone with any of them so no one would ask him any questions. Marissa told him she was leaving to go sail the world with her dad, and he felt a sense of relief that she wouldn't be around. He didn't need the pressure, didn't need the drama. Seth babbled about all the Seth/Ryan time they'd have over the summer, until Summer smacked him and reminded him that Ryan might move up to Berkeley early like she was for Brown, so he could get settled before classes started.

"I might," Ryan agreed, although he was more interested in the idea because it meant escape from Newport and any questions.

"Cohen, go get me some water, okay?" Summer ordered. "Coop, why don't you get some for Atwood, he could probably use some after the killer flu he's had." When no one moved, she waved her hands at them. "Go!" she said. Once they had disappeared into the crowd, Summer lightly grabbed Ryan's arm and pulled him into a quieter hall. "What's up, Atwood?"

"Nothing..."

"You've been weird since prom. Cohen mentioned halfway through a ramble that you hadn't been eating with the rest of them, and you look like you've lost weight. I'm worried."

"I'm fine," Ryan said, forcing a smile to reassure her. "I just... I never thought I'd get here, you know? First Atwood to graduate high school and go to college. It's a lot of pressure."

"We'll love you even if you flunk out," Summer assured him. Then she put her hands on her hips. "But I will kick you ass if you do."

"I wouldn't expect anything less," Ryan said, his small smile genuine this time. "Marissa's... she stopped seeing Volchak, right?"

"He's shown up at the house to see her a couple times, but she hasn't talked to him, so I got rid of him," Summer said. "Are you worried about her, Atwood?"

"Be careful, Summer," Ryan said. "He's dangerous, and I don't think he'd hesitate to hurt you if he thought he..."

"If he thought what?"

"If he thought he could get away with it."

"Atwood?" Summer asked, sounding as though she was figuring it out.

Much to Ryan's relief, Seth and Marissa came back with water, and then Dr. Kim came in to tell them it was time.

~~~

He was driving Marissa to the airport the next night, the two of them in a quiet compainionable silence, when the van rammed into them, and Ryan felt a surge of humiliation and rage wash over him when it pulled up alongside and he saw Volchak behind the wheel. His instincts told him to keep driving, to speed, anything to get away, but he didn't listen to them.

Instead, he pulled over, getting out of the truck his mom had gotten him and walking towards the van as Volchak got out. "What the fuck is wrong with you?" Ryan growled. "You trying to kill somebody?"

"You seriously think you scare me?" Volchak replied in a low voice. "After the way you just laid there and took it?"

"What are you talking about?" Marissa asked, walking over.

"Get back in the truck, Marissa," Ryan said, jaw tight.

"What, you didn't run and tell them how you let me fuck you?" Volchak asked. "Your big strong protector is a fucking pussy, Marissa! He just laid there while I fucked him, then took the money like a good little whore..."

Ryan's fist slammed into Volchak's face, and he shoved the other boy against the back of the van. "Get in your van and get the fuck out of here, Volchak," he growled.

"Or what? You'll lay there and take it again?" Volchak said mockingly.

"Ryan?" Marissa asked, her voice shaking.

"Like he can do anything, he already proved who's the bigger man," Volchak said.

"With such a pencil dick I didn't need the hospital," Ryan spit back. He knew that comment would get Volchak to attack him, but he wasn't expecting to see the glint of metal in the other boy's hand, or to feel it slide into his stomach. He wrenched away, pain radiating out from the wound and hands grasping the handle of the knife as it stayed inside.

"Oh my God!" Marissa screamed, stunned, as she took a step back. Then, her eyes widened in horror. "Ryan!"

He turned, yanking the knife out of his stomach at the same time, but he hadn't expected Volchak to be so close... hadn't expected the knife to slid right between Volchak's ribs... hadn't expected Volchak to almost immediately begin coughing up blood as he stumbled away. The two boys collapsed to the ground at the same time, one dying, the other in shock over what he had done.

~~~

The Cohens met them at the hospital, and Marissa told them an abbreviated version of what had happened, leaving out Volchak's revelations and focusing on how it was all an accident, how Ryan hadn't been trying to stab Volchak, he'd just turned at the wrong time and Volchak had been too close for either of them to stop it, leaving out all mention of the things Volchak had said. Ryan had begged and pleaded to be released from the hospital, but the doctors kept him overnight and in the morning, while the Cohens were off getting coffee, one of the doctors, Dr. Sarah Julian, came to talk to him.

"You weren't conscious when you came in, so after we took care of your stab wound, we had to do a complete physical to check for other injuries," she explained. "I think you know what we found."

"Did you tell..."

"I was the only one in the room when I realized it," Dr. Julian said. "Doctor/Patient confidentiality, especially since you're legally an adult, prevents me from telling anyone."

"Good, I don't want anyone knowing."

"Was it the other young man?"

Ryan looked away. "Look, he bashed the back of my head in until I couldn't think... couldn't move... and then he... I didn't mean to stab him, though. He stabbed me and left the knife in. And when Marissa yelled a warning, I just... I pulled it out while I turned, and... and he ran right into it. It was an accident..."

"I believe you," Dr. Julian said. "That's why I'm not going to tell the police. Sounds to me like maybe the guy deserved it, anyway."

"Am I... am I okay?"

"You're healing pretty well," Dr. Julian said. "But you've lost a lot of weight when I compare you current weight to that of your last doctor's appointment."

"Yeah, well, hard to have an appetite."

"Try to eat anyway," Dr. Julian advised. "If you want to talk to someone, I can give you a number..."

"I just wanna go home," Ryan said.

Dr. Julian nodded. "If you change your mind," she said, putting a folded up piece of paper on the nightstand. "No one will judge you."

"Easy for you to say," Ryan replied.

~~~

On the ride home, Sandy had the radio on an oldies station and Ryan closed his eyes, trying to let his mind drift, as he listened to the music. Seth didn't seem willing to let that happen, though.

"So, why was Marissa all hover-y and giving you sideways looks?" Seth asked.

"She's upset," Ryan replied, trying to keep the ice out of his voice but still convey how much he wanted Seth to drop it.

No such luck. "But she asked me all this stuff about after prom and how you got the money back..."

"Drop it, Seth," Ryan said firmly.

"I told her how grumpy you were the next morning, yelling at me for no good reason..."

"You couldn't take the hint that a locked do means go the fuck away!" Ryan replied, angry. "Why can't you ever just shut up for five fucking minutes, Seth?!"

"Or what, you'll stab me?" Seth said sarcastically, then immediately paled as Sandy hit the brakes and Kirsten whipped around, fury on her face. "I didn't..."

"Seth Ezekial Cohen," Kirsten said, her voice angrier than Ryan had ever heard it. "Not another word. And when we get home, leave Ryan alone so he can rest." She slowly reached out to pat Ryan's arm, but he yanked it away and turned to stare out the window.

"Can we just go home?" Ryan asked in a choked off voice.

"Of course, honey," Kirsten said.

Ryan squeezed his eyes shut and focused on the music coming over the radio. The song was familiar, he remembered being little, very little, and hearing it on the radio while his mom danced around the kitchen, swinging a reluctant and embarrassed Trey around in circles until he even he smiled and laughed with her.

Black velvet and that little boy's smile
Black velvet with that slow southern style
A new religion that'll bring ya to your knees
Black velvet if you please

To Be Continued...

I considered making this a oneshot, but there was no way to give a quick resolution... lol... so it'll be another long one...

There's a couple ways this could go, and some of them could result in a crossover... I'd kinda like to see the Ryan and Jess (Gilmore Girls) friendship in this universe... Or bring in a Brooke (One Tree Hill) where things went down different in she and Peyton's prom night showdown with Psycho!Derek/Ian and she turned into Goth Brooke like we saw in Lucas' Dream after his heart attack thing earlier in the season... or both... lol... if the person who provided the prompt I used as a preference (No Crossover, Crossover with GG, Crossover with OTH, Crossover with Both, whatever...) let me know and I'll see what I can do... lol... I think it was

chrisear who submitted the prompt?