I hope it came across the way I intended, that Ryan believed Sandy was mad at him or at the very least will continue to be angry and transfer the anger onto him... of course he's wrong, but at this point, after around a year on his own and all he's already been through, he can't see that.
I do provide what I promise, huh? Even though the idea disgusts him, he's broke and not making enough hustling pool and the idea is already long in his head (really since childhood...) that he's basically worthless and dispensable, it was something that he saw as neccesary, and at the same time not beneath him because, in his state of mind, he's one of the lowest of the low. Plus, it gives him that excuse, however misguided and untrue, that he can't go back to the Cohens because now he is 'dirty' and tainted. It gives him that reason to stay away, which he needs to have because otherwise he's scared he'll give in. Every bus station is a temptation to buy a ticket for California, and he needs that reason to say no to it.
Ryan does expect others to see it, because he always expects others to see the worst in him, even as he manages to see the best in them (He sees the worst, too, he just ignores it in those he loves)... And exactly, Lindsay didn't expect to see Ryan in Chicago, his hair longer and not exactly clean, his clothes dirty and baggy, unshaven, and hunched over a plate with such an air of defeat around him. If she ever expected to see him again, it would have been looking like he had before, smiling when he saw her instead of making an excuse to runaway. She wants to cling to him, to make him sit down and talk to her, but she knows it won't work because he's clearly not doing well but still won't just go home. She still does, as you said, help him the onyl ways she thinks she stands any chance of succeeding at, the hug that tells him that people still love him and care, and the money that, even though she doesn't know it, keeps him from putting himself at risk yet again, if only for the moment. And her words, her insistance that he needs to take better care of himself, is another reminder that there are people who care, people who want him to be okay, people that WILL help if he'll only ask. Hell, she proves with the money that he doesn't need to ask, all he has to do is show up and they'll offer, and then all that's left is for him to let them help.
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I do provide what I promise, huh? Even though the idea disgusts him, he's broke and not making enough hustling pool and the idea is already long in his head (really since childhood...) that he's basically worthless and dispensable, it was something that he saw as neccesary, and at the same time not beneath him because, in his state of mind, he's one of the lowest of the low. Plus, it gives him that excuse, however misguided and untrue, that he can't go back to the Cohens because now he is 'dirty' and tainted. It gives him that reason to stay away, which he needs to have because otherwise he's scared he'll give in. Every bus station is a temptation to buy a ticket for California, and he needs that reason to say no to it.
Ryan does expect others to see it, because he always expects others to see the worst in him, even as he manages to see the best in them (He sees the worst, too, he just ignores it in those he loves)... And exactly, Lindsay didn't expect to see Ryan in Chicago, his hair longer and not exactly clean, his clothes dirty and baggy, unshaven, and hunched over a plate with such an air of defeat around him. If she ever expected to see him again, it would have been looking like he had before, smiling when he saw her instead of making an excuse to runaway. She wants to cling to him, to make him sit down and talk to her, but she knows it won't work because he's clearly not doing well but still won't just go home. She still does, as you said, help him the onyl ways she thinks she stands any chance of succeeding at, the hug that tells him that people still love him and care, and the money that, even though she doesn't know it, keeps him from putting himself at risk yet again, if only for the moment. And her words, her insistance that he needs to take better care of himself, is another reminder that there are people who care, people who want him to be okay, people that WILL help if he'll only ask. Hell, she proves with the money that he doesn't need to ask, all he has to do is show up and they'll offer, and then all that's left is for him to let them help.
At least he finally got one much needed hug...